A little better today

Morning readers, or rather readER...Jayne *waves* :)

I think (just think) I feel a little better in myself this morning. I wish this was down to a decent nights sleep but it isn't. I was up and down all night in pain. Oh the joys of pregnancy. Alan and I went to bed at 10pm after a cheeky McDonalds tea. He's on days this morning so he needed an early night and I needed time to think. I think. I ran the bath and had a two hour soak (kept re filling the bath with hot water) while reading one of my new books. Just a bit of chick lit to try and lighten my mood..."Woman on the Run" it's not a bad read, nothing spectacular but an easy read none the less. I hauled my backside into bed and the tossing and turning began. At one point I thought of waking Alan and calling the hospital but I felt too guilty so I grinned and beared it. I must have fallen to sleep at some point and then woke again. That was pretty much my nights sleep. I woke this morning and feel a little brighter than yesterday. I think.

Yesterday was lovely, we visited Alan's mother (not so lovely lol) and went for lunch to the pub, Fairways (used to be Bluebell, Dodoworth - where we got married). The contractions were strong again but no way was I calling the hospital not to be put in a bed and forgotten about. We went to Murderhall and got Alan some new trainers. He reckons he's going to start going to the gym, with my guidence (I used to work in a gym). We'll see. We had a drive round and came home to watch a film but there wasn't anything on. We got home from the drive and I just felt so numb. Physically and mentally. Alan tried to comfort me but I just wasn't in the frame of mind to be comforted. It was nice that he was there though and he knew why I was feeling this way because to some extent he was feeling it too. I forget that while I'm the one going through the physical pain and changes...I'm not alone in the mental pain this is bringing. Its hard for him to see me be in pain and to feel so alone even when I'm not. I'm so lucky to have a husband who understands. After being told we couldn't have children naturally and then getting pregnant naturally this is like a miracle baby for us so when the pregnancy isn't straight forward which seems to be most days at the moment...we worry. Its natural, I know. I know things could be worse. Im grateful for what I have and the fact that whilst I'm not happy and healthy at least my baby is. That's what motherhood is all about, right?

I just worry that my struggling with the constant pain and worrying that at some point my uborn baby is going to get into distress (which the hospital have said they are waiting for before they intervene) I won't cope well. I know I'm going to have to go back to the hospital soon because again they are becoming more frequent and painful. I just worry that I'm going to be put in a bed and forgotten about. Again.

Just waiting for Alan to come home from work, then I'll feel better I'm sure.