Today, I'm feeling: numb, upset, fed up and tired and it's only Tuesday! Great start to the week eh? Yesterday wasn't too bad, I saw Keira, Daisy, Rachel (sister in law) and Isaac (nephew). I don't feel like writing about our meeting though, not today. Today I feel full of self pity and you know what? I don't care.
Alan is working afters [11:30am - 7:30pm] so I'm home alone. Again. They say, in the last few weeks of pregnancy to enjoy the time you have left to yourself. All the websites and books and magazines bang on about is read a book, watch a film, go shopping, pamper yourself etc etc etc basically...do things for yourself. It would be bloody lovely if I could do that. I love reading books and watching films but when you can't get comfortable for longer than 15 mins or are in constant pain and uncomfort it kind of takes the enjoyment out of things. Shopping and pampering myself are hardly high on the list considering my foot has swollen so much I can't actually get my shoes on...ANY shoes. Even my flip flops and slippers are too tight.
My back, legs, pelvis and feet ache constantly even with paracetamol, hot baths and massage. My tummy is tender from having contractions 3-5 mins apart for hours on end only for them to slow down and stop. No wonder my tummy is sore, this has been happening since 28 weeks. Sleeping is a thing of the past, I've come to terms with this already. I haven't slept well for weeks for pain or worrying. I manage an hour or two then wake up in sheer agony or needing a wee. I think I'd be great at teaching teenagers about sex education because everything I've gone through from the start of the pregnancy to now hasn't been all fun and games.
WOW I sound so unhappy and ungratful. It's not like that at all. I wanted this baby more than anything and I love him more than words could ever express and he isn't even here yet. I'm so excited to hold him in my arms and to see his tiny face look back at me. I can't wait to be a mummy. Even bits in pregancy have been amazing. First scan, second scan, hearing babys heart beating, the first movements, even the preggy belly is quite nice to cuddle. All I mean is, pregnancy is not easy. Some women have fab pregnancies, no problems and thoroughly enjoy it all the way through. Just not me. I can't wait for the pregnancy to be over so I can finally enjoy being a mummy.
I suppose being stuck at home not being able to walk to the shop or nip into town is making me feel even more emotional. I'm alone most of the day which is hard. Day time TV is rubbish and while I get the odd visit from my sister I still feel really rubbish. The only communication I seem to get with people these days is via text. I'm sure they will all come running when the baby is here. They can bollocks, not interested in me during pregnancy what makes them think I'll want them here when I have my boy here? Oh, I have my Twitter friends who actually are better than my "real" friends [whatever real friends are these days, I'm not so sure] and they cheer me up without even trying. They are funny and daft and caring and real people. It makes a lovely change.
Anyway, enough of the moaning from me. I'm going to get off because said swollen foot is HUGE and killing me. I may post pictures of it in my next blog just to show you how mahooooosive it is.
So, bring on the sleepless nights, shitty nappies and screaming baby because I am soooo ready to meet my baby boy and be a mummy. Seriously though...calling Mother Nature, The Universe and anyone else "almighty" enough to bring this baby to me...HIT ME WITH LABOUR TODAY PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASEEEE!!!
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