My Demanding Baby

Since becoming a mummy one of my biggest annoyances is competitive parents and parenting.  Having a baby is a special and magical thing but at the same time it is extremely hard.  I have a friend who, when I talk to her about Alfie likes to tell me that her baby has slept through 10 hours for her.  She brags that he is fully weaned at only four months [she never breastfeed, personal choice] and she competes with other friends for whose baby will be the first to sit up unaided etc…  Why is there this need to compete?  Why are some mums so keen on telling other mums how they get their little one to sleep through the night?  Alfie doesn’t sleep through so automatically I’m doing something wrong or I should be doing something else?  When will people realise that babies are people and therefore they are all different. 

 

I hate hearing friends tell me I should “feed him up” before bed or drop the breastfeeding completely [we currently mix feed] because when they did, their baby slept through the night.  I am constantly told, I will “spoil” Alfie if I cuddle him every time he cries.  I completely and utterly disagree with controlled crying or crying it out techniques – this in my eyes is cruel.  I’m told I spoil him by co-sleeping.  I spoil him by taking his lead on pretty much everything.  How is it possible to spoil a baby with love?  What a load of rubbish.  Have these people not realised that each baby is different and that their “techniques” may not work for all babies?  I’m pleased that you’re getting your 8 hours sleep at night because your little one sleeps through but I’m more pleased that I’m only getting a few hours broken sleep because Alfie wakes up because it means I get to look at him and cuddle him more.

My friend has moved her four month old baby into his own room, already.  It is recommended that babies sleep in the same room as you until they are 6 months old.  Why would she want that separation from her baby sooner than is recommended?  I know that eventually Alfie will be in his own room but not until he is ready be it at 6 months or 12.  She doesn’t understand the concept of co-sleeping and often mocks me for doing it saying that I’ll never get my bed back.  I haven’t always co-slept although I wish I had had the confidence to from the start.  The midwives in the hospital didn’t let me sleep with Alfie on my chest and took him off me to put him in the crib whilst we both slept.  I was told not to pick him up to cuddle him if he was asleep.  I wish I hadn’t listened but that’s another blog post.  Everything I do, I do for Alfie.  I have found that co-sleeping means he is much easier to settle when he wakes up because he is close to me.  How is that bad?

The mothers who compete against each other for their child’s first steps, the first time they sleep in their own room, sleep through the night or use the potty are missing the point of those all important milestones.  It isn’t about how early your baby can do it, it’s the fact that they CAN do it – late or early it doesn’t matter.  Why would you want to compete against another parent for whose child will walk first?  If your child doesn’t walk first will you be disappointed?  Some parents are so set on their baby growing up they wish their lives away.  Why are they so interested in what other babies can do, isn’t their own baby enough to interest them?  I was elated that Alfie could sit up on his own for a few seconds at only 3 months but my first reaction wasn’t to text everyone to let them know – it was to take a photograph and make a mental note to put it in his baby book.

Alfie is and always has been a demanding baby – even throughout pregnancy he liked to keep me on my toes.  He doesn’t sleep through – waking at least twice a night on rare occasions but closer to the 3-4 times.  He won’t go to sleep unaided – he likes to be cuddled, rocked, nursed etc. to sleep.  He hates his car seat and travelling in the car and screams blue murder when we put him in – so much so I have been relegated to the back seat with him until he feels more comfortable with it.  Some days he hates his pram – other days he hates being carried.  He is constantly sick due to reflux and feeding times can be a nightmare despite the medication.  Sometimes, he is inconsolable unless you pick him up and cuddle him but you must be stood up or he cries.  Alfie is a demanding baby but he is my baby and I wouldn’t have him any other way. 

Sometimes he has days where he is a grumpy baby and other days he is all smiles.  He cries but he also laughs and smiles.  He doesn’t sleep through the night but he gets the right amount of sleep he does need and that’s what’s important.  He’s a demanding feeder but he gets what he needs to keep him healthy.  He hates car rides but he doesn’t mind so much if I’m there with him.  Sometimes it can be really difficult to settle him with cuddles, dummies, rocking or singing but once he is settled it is really easy to make him smile.  Some days Alfie is demanding and hard work but every day he is a pleasure to have and he makes every day so special.  I’m not interested that your child can sleep through the night or is already fully weaned or is sleeping in their own room…I follow the lead of my son and always will.  It’s about unconditional love and nurturing not competing and rushing.