Like a Bear With a Sore Arse

Pretty much what the post title is really.  If you’re squeamish or don’t like reading posts with TMI then I suggest you leave this page right now…go on bugger off and look at flowers or something.  For those of you that are hard, like a bit of TMI and are generally nosey buggers, keep on reading although I wouldn’t recommend you eat anything that looks like poo [yes Jayne that means my buns are out of the question…]

So a week and three days on from The Doctor Said It’s a Pain in the Arse post [that means I’m 15 weeks and 2 days post natal] and things are no better.  I’ve been using the headache cream religiously three times a day which can I just add is pretty difficult rubbing in some cream on something I can’t see.  Fucking hurts my head though [absorbed quickly hence headaches].  I’ve been taking the minging Lactulose three times a day and Fibregel sachets along side that!  I’ve increased my water intake and if I eat any more friggin’ fibre I’ll turn into a cereal!  The pain is becoming unbearable and as soon as I get the urge to go to the toilet, I start to sweat in sheer panic.  Excuse the pun but it really is shit.

Monday I waited 20 minutes longer than I wanted to but Alfie needed to be settled for his nap before I could go to the loo.  Toilet trips of “that” kind can take anything up to 30 minutes these days and with a crying baby it’s just not going to happen.  Once I settled him, I went to face my fear.  The pain was that bad it forced me to stand up on tip toes and grab onto the bath and towel rail.  I actually cried out “OWWW” in pain.  The neighbours probably thought I was giving birth again.  It wasn’t pretty.  It eventually came out and I was dripping in sweat and was in a very teary state, thankfully Alfie slept for a few hours.  I came downstairs and took paracetamol to help with the pain although I’m not sure why because it never seems to do anything.  That evening when Alan came home from work, I had a bath to help try and ease the pain.  I suffered with after pain for two days.

Last week, I had a bit of the runs [I usually do when I’m on my monthly] and you’d think this would make things easier for me as I thought too.  Bloody hell was I wrong!  I knew I was going to have the runs, I could “feel” it in my stomach.  I went to the loo feeling a little more optimistic that this would be less painful.  Oh how I wish I’d known what was in store for me, I should have been more prepared [towel for holding onto etc].  It came out, faster than I could handle [told you there was a lot of TMI] and it seemed to carry on forever.  Pretty much like I hadn’t been for a week.  The pain was excruciating.  It stung, burnt and felt like it tore all over again.  I was in agony for hours and hours afterwards.  And there was me thinking, the softer the poo the easier it’d be… you know less stretching and therefore less stretching of the tear… I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The pain today has been on a whole new level.  It now hurts like hell when I fart… big ones, small ones [some as big as yer head…you know you were thinking that!] silent ones… you name the fart and I can guarantee it hurts my arse.  So I’ve been in pain with it all day and then I needed to “go” so that just made things a whole lot worse and don’t even get me started on the blood!  This fissure is actually running my life at the moment.  I keep trying to get an appointment with a doctor who isn’t going to take the piss but it’s proving rather difficult and now she’s on bloody holiday!  I refuse to go see the other doctor and I’m not fond of locums.  I have been tempted on more than one occasion to call the out of hours doctors service to see if I drop on someone with at least some compassion.  Clearly the medication and cream isn’t working 15 weeks on… about time they pulled their fingers out of their not so painful arses and did something about it!

And to top it off, I’ve had my physiotherapy session today and basically I’m fucked!  The therapist did some manipulation on my back and pelvis and now I’m in agony [a common side effect].  I have to have physio every week.  So my arse is sore, my back and pelvis are fucked and my migraines are back.  Fucking wonderful.