Where to begin? I suppose the beginning is a good a place as any. But fuck it, I'm starting from the end. That is I mean now, in the bath! Birthdays have never been extremely special for me for plenty of reasons. I always get excited about it, then feel terribly let down. Every friggin year! By let down I don't mean I don't get the presents I want or whatever, I mean someone always seems to upset me! I must be over sensitive.
My dad, the one whose genes I carry, the one who fathered me forgot my birthday. I shouldn't be surprised really. He remembered last year or rather his wife did. Well hello you fuckers!! The date hasn't changed! He's promised me driving lessons for the past few years and each time he's broken that promise. You think I'd have learnt by now. The last time he made me a promise, I was roughly 6 years old and he asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaid at his wedding. My 6 year old self was giddy with excitement. Pretty dress and shoes and all that? Hell yeah! Or rather, hell no! That was the last time I saw or heard from him until I was 22. I gave him a second chance although I'm not quite sure why.
None of my "real" friends remembered my birthday either. I don't expect lavish gifts or even a shitty little card but a text would have been nice! My online friends bothered to wish me happy birthday though and I got a beautiful handmade card from my best online friend, Jayne. Perhaps I have my friendships mixed up. Think the online friends out trump the real ones any day!
Alan has been working this morning so I didn't get to see him. He also failed to tell me he was working late which meant we wouldn't have time to do anything when he got home. He also only remembered to get me a card because I have reminded him every day for the last month! No present because he spent the money on something for himself so if I want it, I can have it when he gets paid on Monday. That's not what bothers me I mean I'm not ungrateful but he could have spared a fiver to get me some chocolates or something from Alfie. But no, the selfish sod spent almost £100 on a friggin app. I kid you not. It's a sore subject in our house.
My mother came up and the less said about that the better. Obviously she was her usual self, hence she did not cheer me up. My brother came to see me yesterday as they have plans today so he's off the hook. Keira text me first thing so I she's also off the hook.
None of Alan's family have remembered apart from his mum who bought me a Christmas present then found out it was my birthday so gave me it early. We always remember birthdays, well I do anyway! I always buy a card & a present regardless of age or who it is. A text would have been nice.
The only good thing about today (apart from it's almost over) is my gorgeous boy Alfie. He's been lovely today, playful and loving. A little cranky at nap time but that's to be expected. We've not done much except enjoy each others company. I think he's getting Alan back for me now though because as I write this from the bath, Alfie is refusing to settle for bed. Little monkey!
I'm annoyed at Alan anyway for taking me for granted. Yesterday he promised to wash the pots but in stead played on his stupid app! I had been cleaning all day but ended up cleaning all night too once Alfie was in bed. I've done the same today, clean up after him and do the washing and cleaning and everything else. I even cooked tea. He knows he's upset me but for tonight he can sweat especially as he's buggering off out on his own on Wednesday to a car show with a lad he works with. I've all on to get 30 mins for a bath on my own never mind a full day out!
Next year, I'm going to go away for a few days with Alfie for my birthday. I can honestly say he's the only one who has kept me from getting very upset over it all again. Now having time without him I'm upset and angry. Tonight I will do the night feeds and cuddles all by myself because at least I know he appreciates it.
There you have it, my first bath time blog! Quite a whiny post but fuck it, it's my blog and my birthday I'll feel sorry for myself if I want to!
At least tomorrow is another day!
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