As I type this, Alfie is fast asleep in his swing and in a way I’m dreading his next feed. You see, I’m trying to re start breastfeeding and let me tell you, it’s no easy task! From the first meeting with the doctor or midwife, it is drilled into us that “breast is best” yet despite this it did take me a while to come around to the idea. When I eventually made my mind up that I wanted to breastfeed, I had my heart set on it. I saw the breastfeeding support worker, I read the books, magazines and articles and I watched the DVD. It’s one of the most natural things in the world but not the easiest.
If you’ve read my birthing blog you’ll know that I haemorrhaged quite badly and ended up having a blood transfusion. It all sounds very dramatic but it really wasn’t. The worst part about losing the blood was losing my energy and my milk taking longer to “come in”. In the delivery room, I managed to breastfeed Alfie on my own without any assistance and it felt so natural and right. Once on the ward, I managed fine at first and then as I got weaker and weaker from the blood loss Alfie became more and more demanding wanting feeding every 15 minutes. I struggled to keep him satisfied with my colostrum. I had numerous midwives and breastfeeding helpers come and check out the positioning and latch – both of which were fine Alfie was indeed just a hungry baby. We tried feeding him a tiny bit of formula from a cup which worked for all of 30 minutes. He screamed and screamed. The midwives on the ward were less than helpful, coming in when he was screaming and trying to “shove” him on my boob. It wasn’t working. In the end I caved in and asked for a bottle. It was heart breaking feeling like I had failed him but it was even worse hearing his sobs. I was made to feel guilty by the midwife for even considering giving him formula so when I asked for the bottle she tried to guilt me further. Had I not been so exhausted, she probably would have gotten the sharp end of my tongue but as it happened I just ignored her guilt trip and fed my son with a bottle.
Coming home, I tried to get him to latch on but he was struggling to get anything from me or so it seemed. We bought an electric pump and had a manual one besides, I tried expressing but I wasn’t even getting an ounce off. Nowhere near enough to satisfy Alfie’s appetite. I kept at it though because after all, “breast is best”. Alfie started to suffer with constipation and my health visitor thought it could be due to the mixed feeding. She advised me to choose one method of feeding. Breast OR Formula. Not both. It was a no brainer for me; I wanted to breastfeed but didn’t think it was possible. I told her my concerns about having such a hungry baby and a low milk supply and she contacted the breastfeeding support worker on my behalf. The very same day the support worker came out to see us and gave me lots of support and advice: Breastfeed at least 8-12 times per day, express first thing in the morning and 30mins after every feed, lots of skin to skin contact and try not to get stressed. She observed a feed and he managed a while on the breast – his latch and positioning was perfect. According to her we were both naturals. I felt so positive after her visit and I kept trying.
Alfie started being severely sick at 2 weeks old, he was struggling with feeding you could see it visibly hurt him. He was constantly unsettled. He has been diagnosed with severe reflux although I think he may have a milk allergy – saving reflux and milk allergies for another post. Anyway, he isn’t so sick with breast milk so it makes perfect sense to re start breastfeeding right? Right. Just a shame it isn’t easy in fact it’s far far from it! We are both struggling with it. I don’t know if it’s me, him or a mixture of the two. I understand that he gets milk quicker from the bottle which is why he prefers it over breast although once he is latched on to the breast and settled he is fine. I’m counting today as DAY 1 of restarting breastfeeding. So far, it isn’t going too well. I’m trying to get him on the breast before every single feed. So far today he has managed twice to get a decent time on each breast…all the other times he has latched on for 2 minutes and come off screaming. After trying for a further couple of minutes I give up because he’s too stressed and I don’t want him to associate going to the breast with a bad feeling.
Tomorrow I am expecting a call from my breastfeeding link worker and I’m going to ask her to come and see us to observe another feed so she can offer her advice and assistance. I’m also going to breastfeeding support group just up the road from me on Wednesday. I am giving this my very best shot so I need all the help, support, guidance and encouragement anyone has to offer. It’s going to be a long, hard path but the benefits speak for themselves; it’s certainly worth a shot and in the end, if it doesn’t work at least I can say I tried. The fact is, whilst I’m mixed feeding him he’s getting at least SOME goodness from my breast milk. That has to be worth something.
Here’s to DAY 1 – let’s hope things get easier with each day.
Any advice from any readers would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. Two hour later and Alfie is STILL asleep…hurrah!!
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