Photographs copyright of Blue Lights Photography
As I write this entry, Alfie is in his swing half asleep, half-awake because he’s due to be fed. I often catch myself looking at him when he’s sleeping to make sure he is still there. I can’t believe this perfect, beautiful little bundle of gorgeousness is all mine.
Today Alfie is 4 weeks and 4 days old and I’m learning that motherhood is one big rollercoaster but the type of rollercoaster you never want to get off of because no matter how scary it is being turned upside down, eventually you’re back on top.
Bringing Alfie home was one of the best days of my life but also one of the scariest. As a first time mummy I had no idea what to expect. You can read all the books you want but until you experience it for yourself, there’s no explanation that will do it justice. People say babies don’t do much aside from eat, sleep, poo and cry but that is so wrong. Without any effort at all Alfie managed to brighten my life, make me smile, make me grateful and make me a quivering wreck all in one.
To be honest, through feeds, nappy changes and lots of cuddles and kisses the first weeks are a blur. They went far too quickly for my liking. If you blink, you’ve missed it. We had plenty of visitors, we went out and about (shopping mainly) and we settled into family life. I was in a lot of pain from the birth still and I was exhausted from losing so much blood but it didn’t bother me one bit. I settled into night feeds straight away, it wasn’t easy but it came natural. I woke up even when he was fast asleep, just to check he was OK. It’s true what they say, your mothering instincts kick in automatically. We spent lots of time having cuddles, kisses and bonding with our baby boy and settling into a new family life.
There are loads of firsts that I could write about, first outing, first proper outfit worn, first visit to the supermarket (yes, I’m that overwhelmed by it all – every first is significant) but the one that REALLY stands out for me is our first bath together. I stopped exclusively breastfeeding in hospital due to the blood loss and was doing mixed feeding. My milk supply was reduced from the blood loss but it reduced even more so because of the mixed feeding. I was advised by a breastfeeding link worker to have as much skin to skin contact as possible and the best way to get it was in the bath. This would not only encourage milk restoration but also Alfie to latch on by himself. I was a little nervous about getting in the bath together but as soon as Alan laid Alfie on my tummy it was lovely. I felt so close to him and he really enjoyed it! We had bathed him in a baby bath on his own a few days before and he hated it but being in the bath with me he loved.
My first day out with Alfie on my own was Tuesday 28th June. We just went to Barnsley – nothing special, nothing special at all. Except it was special but I think that’s down to it being another first of ours. He had his first ride on a bus and I was a little apprehensive about getting on the bus with the pram (for those of you who don’t know me, I can’t drive) and going out on our own. We got off at the Alhambra centre and just had a walk around a few shops. When Alfie started to stir, I made my way to the Koffi Lounge coffee shop. I ordered a cuppa tea (my first in WEEKS!!!) and sat on the sofas to feed Alfie. I was on my own and I thought I’d feel a little nervous (I’m like that in public) but I was surprisingly fine. Alan was on a course at work so he finshed early and came to meet us. We weren’t out long Alfie and I – a couple of hours max but it was special none the less.
We made the decision to document every day of his life for the first year by way of a diary. I write in a journal for him in a letter style and end each letter with the saying “love you more today than yesterday but less than tomorrow…” because that’s exactly how I feel. The diary is written from my point of view and is signed mummy. Even if we’ve had a day in doing very little I still manage to write two full pages! It’s something for him when he’s older and something for us when he’s all grown up.
Now, the first four weeks haven’t all been lovely bliss – I mean of course they’ve been lovely and perfect because of my gorgeous baby boy but we have had a few ups and downs – mainly in the last couple of weeks. We noticed that after feeding Alfie was being sick a lot. I know I’m a first time mum so what’s “normal” may still worry me because it’s all new to me but I knew the amount Alfie was being sick was in no way normal. I monitored him for a couple of days and then on Saturday 18th June I called the out of hours doctor for advice. After taking some details from me, he sent us up to hospital to see an out of hours doctor in person. We were seen by a lovely female doctor who checked Alfie over and then made the decision to send Alfie to the paediatric ward for more review. She said it was probably reflux, a fairly common disorder in babies where they are sick and uncomfortable feeding. It’s a little like heartburn but for babies. We were seen by doctors on the ward and were given a throat spray because his throat was sore from crying and being sick. For the reflux problem we were given Gaviscon sachets.
The following Friday we were seen at a follow up appointment at the children’s assessment unit where we told the doctor the Gaviscon wasn’t working and he was still very sick. The doctor prescribed Ranitadine and said they would send an appointment for follow up through the post. Alfie was also diagnosed with a heart murmur and we are currently waiting for an appointment to see a heart specialist. It’s all routine and heart murmurs are very common in babies especially babies who aren’t feeling too clever. Anyway, Alfie STILL isn’t any better. We took him back last week and were given MORE medication. I’ll list what he takes a day in a second. Yesterday, I decided enough is enough after I had fed Alfie and he threw up three times massively. I called the hospital and had a bit of a do with a doctor who said Alfie is OK and could wait until our appointment Tuesday 5th July. We went to the hospital after getting approval from the doctor – not that it matters because I’d have gone up regardless. Anyway, long story short doctor referred Alfie for a tummy scan and dismissed my concerns just like all the other doctors have that Alfie has a milk allergy. I find it odd that Alfie is extremely unsettled on formula milk and fine with breast milk!? As I mentioned before, my mummy milk isn’t in grand supply at the moment so I can’t exclusively breastfeed no matter how much I want to. If Alfie was milk intolerant or has a milk allergy he would have to be prescribed special hypoallergenic milk and it’s quite expensive stuff for the NHS to prescribe so it’s very rare they do regardless of the baby. Bastards. They aren’t going to test for the allergy so we may end up going private for this test but it’s worth it.
We’ve had the scan this afternoon – it was inconclusive because his tummy was full yet I was told to feed him!!! We’ll have to go back for another scan at some point. The hospital in my opinion are SHITE. So, currently my baby boy at 4 weeks and 4 days old is taking the following medication for reflux which he may or may not have: 2 sachets Gaviscon 6x day, Domperidone 4x day, Rinitadine 3x day and Omeprazole 1x day and that doesn’t include the none medical medication Infacol (for colic) and gripe water (for wind, tummy pain etc) Poor little man.
So, although there isn’t much detail in the paragraphs above to sum up the first 4 weeks of Alfies life in a few words would be so hard because I’m still so overwhelmed that he is here and he is mine. The word that keeps popping up to describe everything and anything Alfie related is perfect. Even though Alfie hasn’t been well, everything has still been perfect because he’s here. So, here’s to many more perfect moments with my perfect little boy.
Sorry for the bad writing of this post, as I said the last four weeks have gone so quickly it’s been hard for me to choose things to write about. Hopefully I’ll get chance to write on a more frequent basis from here on in. For anyone who’s interested, I’ve got some great ideas for special blog posts that I’ll try and post once a week or so that will be different to the day to day blogging.
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