The Argument

Saturday afternoon and I have done bugger all and I’m quite cranky because of this so this post may seem a little abrupt. I’m chilled at the moment though, kind of. Alfie is asleep in his swing, pulling faces, snoring and every bit of him looking gorgeous and perfect. Alan is asleep in bed (he’s on nights tonight) and quite frankly at this moment in time, I don’t give a toss what he looks like. OK that sounds harsh, I do care but like I said I’m cranky and it’s his fault therefore I don’t care even if I do. Make sense? Thought not. It doesn’t to me either and I’m writing the bloody thing!

Last night Alfie slept for 6 hours!!! Just a shame it was from 7:30pm, tonight I’m going to wake him for a feed at around 10 to see if I can get him to sleep through a little longer. He has been extremely fussy this morning from around 6am which meant that neither Alan nor I have had much sleep this morning. It shouldn’t have mattered to Alan because he’s on nights and needs to be tired to sleep in the afternoon. So, I managed to get some breakfast whilst Alan was feeding Alfie. This is the first time I’ve managed to get breakfast before lunch time since Alfie came home! After eating my breakfast I had to sort Alfie out because he was unsettled in his swing and Alan wasn’t about to do anything. I should have been trying to express and he knew this. But whatever.

Anyway we were supposed to be going out this morning and I had to yet again prompt Alan to get ready but instead he had some breakfast which he could have had over an hour previous whilst he was watching TV and I had Alfie. He then proceeded to get dressed but Alan takes FOREVER to get dressed. I half think he’s an alien in a man disguise or a reverse Mrs Doubtfire with the length of time he takes to get dressed. For those of you that don’t know Alan, he’s not a “pretty boy” he’s a mans man. Jeans and a t-shirt or combats and a t-shirt is daily attire. Shorts if it’s warm and he’s feeling it. He’ll brush his teeth and his hair then he’s done. This should take what, 15 minutes top? HA! Try 30-45 minutes! Before Alfie was born, mostly before I got pregnant I was a bit of a poser. Not in the self-centred sense. I just hated to leave the house without makeup and a decent outfit. It’s a confidence thing. Since having Alfie I have managed to wear makeup maybe twice and by makeup I mean a quick slick of foundation and sweep of bronzer. Since having a baby I barely have time to scratch my arse let alone anything else. So by the time Alan came downstairs, it was too late to go anywhere. He argued it wasn’t but the thing is, when I had taken 10 minutes to get dressed it was already 10:45 and Alan likes to try to go to bed at 12 noon when he’s on nights. This meant we’d have an hour to go somewhere and get back. It wasn’t worth it. I said I’d go to town on my own, on the bus (not sure if I have mentioned before, I can’t drive yet) he then said in quite a cocky manner that we both knew I wouldn’t go on the bus so why did he have to get the pram out. BLAH BLAH BLAH. He eventually did.

Alfie took ages to settle then because he needed feeding so I gave up attempting going to town yet we still argued. When I say argue I mean bicker. Alan and I don’t really argue, mostly because neither of us can be arsed with it. This is the short version but basically we bickered our points across to each other. Me because he has to be PROMPTED to do something otherwise he just sits on his arse. Him because I moan at him. Absolutely stupid but it left me a bit teary and cross and Alan fed up. He went to bed and we didn’t speak as he went. He kissed Alfie and went up. I was half tempted to go upstairs and make a load of noise sorting Alfie’s bedroom but I decided that’s not me. I’m not a bitch, why start now?

I’m slightly mad because he said he gave me the night to myself last night when actually he didn’t. Alfie was already asleep and so was Alan by 9pm so I went and sorted the bedroom out so that Alan could get straight in bed at noon today. Hardly a relaxing night eh? I then came downstairs and because they were both asleep I grabbed some me time talking to friends on Twitter, mainly Jayne actually. I finally fell asleep at around midnight (ish) only to be woken at 1:30 by Alfie! The argument is probably down to both of us being tired not to mention me already being fed up of being home alone all the time. I’ve been in the house all week apart from yesterday. I’m getting fed up of the same four walls. I’m happy having only Alfie as company but I just wish he felt a little better making it easier for me to take him out on my own.

The above is just ramblings and probably makes no sense and seems quite petty but it’s made me feel a bit better now I have vented it. I still feel like he’s a bit of a knob but he probably thinks the same about me or he would if he was awake. We’re both as bad as each other! We very seldom had a disagreement before Alfie arrived but now we seem to bicker often. That’s what lack of sleep does to you I suppose. I mean, it’s nothing to worry about my marriage is hardly on the rocks. I’m still crazy in love with him – I guess we just need to learn to talk rather than bicker. Everything will be fine when he gets up, it always is. I just needed to vent and venting to Alfie isn’t appropriate or effective!

On a brighter note, I’m starting to make lists for Alfie’s none christening …like a naming ceremony but not as poncy! A kind of, welcome to the world party. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in a previous post? We have quotes for two venues but we prefer one slightly more than the other. I have to call the venue on Monday to discuss. If they’re wanting a deposit they’ll have to wait until the end of the month, Alan’s gone from weekly pay to monthly now he has is full time permanent contract with his employer (used to be agency) and my maternity pay covers about as much as Jodie Marsh’s choice in underwear!

Oh, day 6 of the restarting breastfeeding…not much to report on. I have the nipple shields in the steriliser as I type so hopefully will give them a go when Alfie wakes up later.

Thanks for reading x