Busy busy busy!

Here I am again with another bath time blog. If you haven't read my blog before then yes I really am blogging from the bath (via iPhone). I'm having a major, selfishly long soak in the tub tonight because I can. Alfie is in bed and whilst he is still in the falling asleep then crying stage hubby is tending to him. Actually I haven't heard much from Alfie in around 5 minutes. Just heard a yawn from Alan - bet he's snoring away shortly.

We've had a really busy week having lots of much needed family time. I say it like we all needed it when in fact it was probably just me. When Alan was at work we barely saw him because of overtime shifts and for a new family it isn't easy. It is however necessary.

This week, we went to the deep at hull, shopping in various places, picnicked at cannon hall, visited the animals at The Yorkshire Wildlife Park and visited the beautiful gardens of Chatsworth House. It has been very busy, slightly costly but totally and utterly worth it. Hubby has a good job as do I (when I'm not on maternity leave) so why shouldn't we treat ourselves in his two weeks off work? We'd be mad not to!

Yesterday Alfie had his 6 week check with me at the doctors office (he's 9 week on Monday) and everything was fine. He had to have his immunisation injections however which was NOT fine. I held him as she did them. I could hear in his cry they hurt. It actually broke my heart. I didn't cry myself but not quite sure how I held it together. There were tears in my eyes though. I carried him back to the car, cuddling and whispering soothing words to him while Alan carried the changing bag and car seat. It was awful but it had to be done. He was very off yesterday but seems much, much better today <3

[I can hear snoring and sleepy sighs from daddy Lewis & baby Lewis]

So today was wonderful. I got some beautiful flowers from my gorgeous little man - no occasion - just because! We had a wonderful afternoon at Chatsworth House walking around the vast and beautiful gardens. I would highly recommend! There's a farm yard and play area for children too! We had ice-cream with a flake - such a treat!

Alfie's schedule has been knocked all out if sorts today because of one thing or another. Back on it tomorrow - well from 11pm's dream feed tonight! The routine is working during the day so we just need the night time to follow and as we say in Yorkshire - we're cooking wi gas!

Had to call at the mother in laws today to drop off Alan's airbrush compressor for her to borrow (not sure if that's a wise move myself!) his older sister, brother in law & their youngest daughter were there. Alfie was fine until they crowded him and he cried. I was told it was MY fault because he didn't like being in his car seat!

1. He was fine until they over crowded him after he'd just woke up

2. We weren't staying so there was no reason to take him out for the sake of 5 mins.

3. I didn't want her frigging opinion

Alan made the mistake of telling them all that Alfie is on a schedule/routine. He fucked up by saying we're TRYING when actually we aren't because for the most part it's working. We were criticised for this too! According to her, he is too young for a schedule. If that's so, why is it working? Why has it been recommended by top successful baby sleeping guru/ expert Jo Tantum? I bit my tongue very hard. How dare she question our parenting? Bare in mind, their 4 year old still sleeps in their bed and wouldn't go to bed until they did. Hardly sound parenting advice coming from a family who have no routine at all! I am calm though. Now at least anyway.

I suppose I'd better drag myself out of the bath now; we have another busy day ahead tomorrow. All being well, we're off to the coast! Can't wait both Alan and I love being near the sea :)

Good night all & sweet dreams.

Here's to making lots of beautiful memories xxx

Yesterday, the Lewis family was much, much happier. We all made each other happy, just by being a family and having some much needed family time. When I say family I of course mean Alan and I, Alfie is happy regardless or it seems he is! Alan and I did start the day with an argument. We were both tired, said things we didn't mean or even if we did mean them we knew it was because we were tired.

I bit the bullet and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I asked if he'd like to join Alfie and I. Wasn't sure what he'd be joining us doing but I asked none the less. He seemed a little shocked I'd asked him and for this, I feel guilty (note to self: involve husband more). He accepted my invitation and the mood in our house changed. No more black cloud over our heads.

Operation "go out for the day" began. I say it like this because getting a baby ready to go out is like a military operation at times! Bottles were filled with water, powder dispensers filled, medicines packed, nappys, wipes, nappy sacks and change of clothes were packed. I remembered Alfies sun hat and sun cream too! I must be getting the hang of this!

We set off for our day out just after 9am. We had two choices: Cannon Hall or Yorkshire Sculpture Park. Both very beautiful but Alan chose YSP. We got there for 10 and at 10:15 Alfie was due to be fed. Couldn't have timed it better! We went to the cafe where Alan got us a pot of tea for two and some scones with clotted cream and jam! Mmm what a treat! I got us a table and fed Alfie. We took it in turns to eat and feed Alfie so it took a little longer than usual but it was nice to sit and talk. Very civilised: tea, scones and conversation.

We had a nosey in the shop and bought Alfie a couple of keepsakes. The weather was gorgeous and walking around the grounds was lovely. Alfie was completely settled and so were Alan and I. A much needed family day. We had a drink in the cafe whilst Alfie was fed before heading back home. I brought the drinks bottles home because I'm going to start using my glass painting stuff. According to Alan he's going to give me an evening or two off.

We visited Alan's mum before heading home for a late lunch. We had a lovely salad because we're both on a health kick after months of greasy takeaways! Then it was back off out for a stroll around Locke Park - we walked round twice. I'd like to say then we went home bathed, fed and put Alfie to bed but we didn't. Or we did. Kind of. We tried to but he wasn't having any of it! Little monkey!

Now, we're at The Deep in Hull. We've just arrived so Alan and I had our lunch and now Alan is feeding Alfie.

Family time is so important especially for a working family so we've agreed to make time for it at least once a week.

Love my family lots xxx

Tomorrow is Another Day

Today is my 24th Birthday and just so you know, I'm blogging from the bath this evening! (via email on iPhone). Technology is such a wonderful thing!

Where to begin? I suppose the beginning is a good a place as any. But fuck it, I'm starting from the end. That is I mean now, in the bath! Birthdays have never been extremely special for me for plenty of reasons. I always get excited about it, then feel terribly let down. Every friggin year! By let down I don't mean I don't get the presents I want or whatever, I mean someone always seems to upset me! I must be over sensitive.

My dad, the one whose genes I carry, the one who fathered me forgot my birthday. I shouldn't be surprised really. He remembered last year or rather his wife did. Well hello you fuckers!! The date hasn't changed! He's promised me driving lessons for the past few years and each time he's broken that promise. You think I'd have learnt by now. The last time he made me a promise, I was roughly 6 years old and he asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaid at his wedding. My 6 year old self was giddy with excitement. Pretty dress and shoes and all that? Hell yeah! Or rather, hell no! That was the last time I saw or heard from him until I was 22. I gave him a second chance although I'm not quite sure why.

None of my "real" friends remembered my birthday either. I don't expect lavish gifts or even a shitty little card but a text would have been nice! My online friends bothered to wish me happy birthday though and I got a beautiful handmade card from my best online friend, Jayne. Perhaps I have my friendships mixed up. Think the online friends out trump the real ones any day!

Alan has been working this morning so I didn't get to see him. He also failed to tell me he was working late which meant we wouldn't have time to do anything when he got home. He also only remembered to get me a card because I have reminded him every day for the last month! No present because he spent the money on something for himself so if I want it, I can have it when he gets paid on Monday. That's not what bothers me I mean I'm not ungrateful but he could have spared a fiver to get me some chocolates or something from Alfie. But no, the selfish sod spent almost £100 on a friggin app. I kid you not. It's a sore subject in our house.

My mother came up and the less said about that the better. Obviously she was her usual self, hence she did not cheer me up. My brother came to see me yesterday as they have plans today so he's off the hook. Keira text me first thing so I she's also off the hook.

None of Alan's family have remembered apart from his mum who bought me a Christmas present then found out it was my birthday so gave me it early. We always remember birthdays, well I do anyway! I always buy a card & a present regardless of age or who it is. A text would have been nice.

The only good thing about today (apart from it's almost over) is my gorgeous boy Alfie. He's been lovely today, playful and loving. A little cranky at nap time but that's to be expected. We've not done much except enjoy each others company. I think he's getting Alan back for me now though because as I write this from the bath, Alfie is refusing to settle for bed. Little monkey!

I'm annoyed at Alan anyway for taking me for granted. Yesterday he promised to wash the pots but in stead played on his stupid app! I had been cleaning all day but ended up cleaning all night too once Alfie was in bed. I've done the same today, clean up after him and do the washing and cleaning and everything else. I even cooked tea. He knows he's upset me but for tonight he can sweat especially as he's buggering off out on his own on Wednesday to a car show with a lad he works with. I've all on to get 30 mins for a bath on my own never mind a full day out!

Next year, I'm going to go away for a few days with Alfie for my birthday. I can honestly say he's the only one who has kept me from getting very upset over it all again. Now having time without him I'm upset and angry. Tonight I will do the night feeds and cuddles all by myself because at least I know he appreciates it.

There you have it, my first bath time blog! Quite a whiny post but fuck it, it's my blog and my birthday I'll feel sorry for myself if I want to!

At least tomorrow is another day!

Pregnancy, Labour and Birth: The Beautiful Truth

Pregnancy, Labour & Birth: The Ugly Beautiful Truth

This is Alfie and me.  My smile is not staged.
I am genuinely happy, words cannot begin to express how much.

I haven’t always been happy though especially when it comes to having my photograph taken.  In the past I was extremely “vain” when having my photo taken.  By vain, I don’t mean I thought I was gorgeous because I didn’t and don’t.  I was vain in I wouldn’t have a photo taken with my glasses on and to have a photo taken without makeup would be mortal sin!  The photos below aren’t airbrushed or touched up in anyway – one of the reasons I love working with Adele at Blue Lights Photography.

Before we get to the nitty gritty, I should fill you in a little on how I was BEFORE I got pregnant, it may help you to understand my story and in turn me, a little better.  I was never a confident child probably due to being bullied throughout my life for one reason or another.  One of the main reasons I was bullied was my size.  I have always been small, skinny, petite etc whatever you want to call it, people didn’t like it.  I was bullied because I was skinny.  I was bullied because I was flat chested.  I was bullied because I had spots [and I don’t even mean lots of spots!]

 At a very young age I decided I wanted a boob job and at the very young age of 20 I got my wish!  I had a breast augmentation – my surgeon was extremely professional and said that due to my small frame he wouldn’t go any larger than a C cup and if I didn’t like it I had to go elsewhere.  I only wanted a C cup anyway – I wanted to look normal, like a woman without having to use chicken fillets.  You see by flat chested I mean completely flat.  You could have ironed a t-shirt on my chest!  The boob job gave me instant confidence.  I was literally a new woman!  Now, I’m not saying plastic surgery is the answer to all body hang ups because it really isn’t and although I was very young I had thought long and hard about my decision.  It was painful and it wasn’t easy but for me, it was worth it.

With my new found confidence I was approached at work (at the time I worked in a gym) by Adele (Blue Lights Photography) and asked if I’d like to model for her and another photographer to get some practice shots in.  In my underwear.  Now, pre boob job Amy would have ran a mile.  Pre boob job Amy probably wouldn’t have had the confidence to even talk to Adele about anything let alone underwear shots!  However, this wasn’t pre boob job Amy this was the new Amy with new found confidence and consequently a new found friend!  We did the shoot, all extremely professional and tasteful shots and my confidence rose some more.  Funnily enough, this is how I met my husband Alan.  He knew Adele who showed him her work in their local pub where Adele worked part time.  Her work was of me.  He wanted to meet me.  I went to the pub and the rest as they say is history.  It’s a far better story than that but I’ll save that for another post.

After my first time in a studio, I became addicted to not modelling as such but the confidence in my body.  Wherever I was I walked with my head held high, confident and often strutting my stuff!  The photos were evidence that I looked good.  So I felt good.  Now I must remind you none of the photos were touched with an air brush as Adele doesn’t believe in airbrushing.  It’s simply not natural and natural is beautiful.  The photos showed my confidence.  I’m no Kate Moss, Angelina Jolie or Kate Middletons fit sister Pipa but there’s nowt more gorgeous than a woman with confidence in herself.  And believe me, I had confidence in myself:

Photos of me in shoots pre pregnancy.

So as I am sure you will agree, I must have had some confidence when having some of those photos taken given the lack of clothing!  Now imagine how I felt when I got pregnant. OK so I was over the moon about being pregnant but it never occurred to me how I’d feel about my pregnant body.  Some women are extremely lucky and their skin is perfect, they have lovely nails and hair and they get the pregnancy “glow” we all hear about.  Not me.  Oh no! I had everything opposite!  My normally very nice nails became brittle and broken.  My hair became greasy and lifeless.  And my skin was dry and dull.  I was hardly the picture of a glowing woman.  Well, that’s my opinion other people said I was “glowing” and I looked “well”.  I never believed them until now, looking back on it.  I was worried about stretch marks most of all because I was so slim, I was bound to get them right?  I bought every lotion and potion going to help prevent stretch marks.  Varicose veins were another worry – who wants blue veins all over their legs?  I didn’t particularly take well to gaining weight either.  All of the above are pretty much inevitable and unavoidable [unless you’re a) a celeb or b) dead lucky!] so why on earth was I so worried?  I had got my wish, I was having a baby!  You’d have thought the struggle we had getting pregnant would have put things into perspective for me but it didn’t.  Outwardly I didn’t always admit to not being happy about my pregnancy body but inside I was devastated.

I remember seeing my stretch marks for the very first time.  It was Alan who pointed them out which probably didn’t help matters but I was devastated.  They were on my legs and bum and were pretty obvious.  I think after seeing these I moisturised with all my lotions and potions three times a day!  I didn’t have any stretch mark on my pregnant belly which was quite surprising considering the size of my bump!

35wk +4

When Alfie was born after the difficult labour I didn’t have time to worry about how I looked but it was still in the back of my mind.  I was scared to see my post pregnancy body.  Would my belly be floppy?  Would my stretch marks be worse?  Would I look completely rough and unattractive?  Oh my poor husband, he’ll be so embarrassed to be seen with me looking such a mess, I often thought.  I remember being in the bath straight after having Alfie and I saw myself naked.  How I looked never crossed my mind although at first I put this down to not feeling well and being exhausted.  My boobs had gotten slightly bigger through pregnancy [sods law eh!] and I was lucky in that I had a boob job so knew after breastfeeding they wouldn’t sag down to my knees completely although I was aware they may move a little further south.  I could cope with this so when I was breastfeeding Alfie I didn’t mind.

When my mum first saw me in the hospital I was stood up and she told me I still looked pregnant!  My dad asked me if I’d had my baby or was he still in there?  Baring in mind, I’m not at all close to my parents but these comments stung badly.  I knew they were both used to seeing me either really skinny or really pregnant but to say these things to me really shot my confidence.  Coming home, I hid from Alan and any mirrors when I got undressed.  If Alfie and I were having some skin to skin I had a dressing gown wrapped around me and then moved it once Alan’s eyes were anywhere but on me.  When he helped me get in the bath with Alfie, I made sure he was only in the bathroom long enough to pass Alfie to me.  Once Alfie was on me, I didn’t mind Alan staying in the bathroom because Alfie’s little body hid all my nastiness.

I was under no illusions that I wouldn’t get into my pre pregnancy clothes straight after his birth or I didn’t think I was but trying my favourite jeans on for the first time and them not fitting me.  I cried.  I had never imagined I’d not get into them.  The thought never crossed my mind so when I didn’t fit into them it threw me and made me concentrate more and more on the things pregnancy had done to me that I didn’t like.

Alfie is 7 weeks old today and a couple of weeks ago something happened whilst I was trying to breastfeed Alfie [see previous posts about restarting breastfeeding] I stripped off my top and bra and took him off of Alan.  Just like that.  No dressing gown, no breastfeeding top just me and my bare body [I had jeans on]  Now whilst I don’t think I completely rocked the builder chic look – I didn’t care.  My baby needed feeding and I was going to feed him.  How I looked didn’t come into it.  My baby loved me regardless of the lack of make up, obvious stretch marks and scruffy bottom half of clothing.  What’s more, so did my husband.  The way Alan looked at me as I was cuddling Alfie hit me like a ton of bricks.  He was a proud daddy and husband.  He always thanked me for giving him Alfie but it never really clicked properly.  He was entirely happy and so was I.

Now at 7 weeks old I don’t care about my stretch marks or flabby belly or anything else other than my baby.  I’m not saying I don’t care how I look because I do.  I like to wear nice clothes and I like to put a bit of make up on [when I get chance] and if it all gets ruined by baby sick or whatever else so what?  It’s part of the job.  Baby sick is like a badge showing you’re a mummy and I wear mine with pride and that’s how I have come to see and feel about my stretch marks, belly and generally my post pregnancy body.  Without these marks or imperfections I wouldn’t have my baby boy and I wouldn’t change having him for the world.  They are my mummy marks and I am proud to have them!  And to prove it here are my post pregnancy pictures, courtesy of Adele at Blue Lights Photography:

The naked truth: My scars from previous ops were stretched as was my belly button.

Yummy mummy: whatever I’m wearing I feel good because I’m happy in myself and that’s down to my gorgeous boy Alfie.

The baby weight: My favourite jeans no longer fit me but it’s fine, I’ll just buy more!

The conclusion of my blog post? 

Being a mummy is by far the best feeling in the world bar none and I am proud to be a mummy therefore I am proud of the body that conceived, carried, birthed and nurtures him.

Pregnancy, labour and birth: The Very Beautiful Truth

Special thanks to Adele at Blue Lights Photography for the wonderful photos and supporting my need for doing the blog post.

My breasfeeding woes

As I type this, Alan is snoring and Alfie is stirring.  Technically, if Alfie wakes up for feeding it’s Alan’s “turn” to sort him out.  I want to wake him up and say “your turn love” but I wonder if he sees me typing away he’ll think this unfair of me seeing as I’m already wide awake?

So 20 minutes after typing the first paragraph Alan is feeding Alfie.  He does think it’s unfair because I’m already awake.  He doesn’t say anything but his face is less than impressed and his tone of voice even more so.  I feel kind of bad but he’s working all week – these moments I get to myself even for just half an hour are so precious and few and far between I grab them when I can.  Not that I want to be away from Alfie but there are things I need to do that I can’t always do with Alfie.  Blogging isn’t a necessity I am fully aware of that and Alan probably thinks I’m being selfish but getting it down “on paper” helps keep me sane.  Alan and I argued yesterday morning and it wasn’t nice.  There weren’t any raised voices or harsh tones but the things that were said weren’t nice on either part.  Neither of us meant what we said, well I didn’t anyway.  Lack of sleep is to blame again.  A trip to the coast sorted us out though, that is until now anyway…

When Alfie woke, I made his bottle and sorted his medicines for the day.  I set the bottle next to Alan and said I’d try Alfie with breast first but if he wouldn’t take it then Alan would have to feed him.  Dirty look.  I changed Alfie and he was quite content an ideal time to put him on the breast I thought.  We sat on the sofa and I opened my feeding app on my I phone ready to go.  At first Alfie wouldn’t latch on – he was far too concerned with smiling and gurgling at me (or talking to me as I say) so we had a little conversation before he latched on.  He was calm and relaxed, a rarity these days with feeding – especially breastfeeding.  Perfect I thought. 3 minutes in and the squirming began.  Pulling off and fidgeting. Latching back on. Crying.  I gave it a couple more minutes then tried him on the left breast – this seems to be his favourite side.  The plan was to let him feed then when taking a break to switch back over to the right.  The latch was short lived and Alfie became increasingly frustrated.  I gave him his medicine and told Alan he would have to feed Alfie.  Please?  I thought he nodded at me but as I stood up, he was snoring again. Arsehole.  I woke him and apparently he hadn’t heard me ask him to feed Alfie.  Maybe I’d heard wrong?  Maybe he was wishful thinking I’d leave him asleep?  I passed Alfie over to Alan.  Dirty look.  I passed Alan a bib. Dirty look.  I do feel bad but I’m not the only parent in the house capable of feeding Alfie.  It would be completely different had Alfie been exclusively breastfed.  Part of the reason I think Alan is so supportive over the restarting breastfeeding is because he knows there’s only me that can do it.

It would seem Alfie is bitting and batting this morning – 40/50 ml. Sleep. Wake. 40/50ml. Sleep. Wake.  Vicious circle and I read somewhere he is cluster feeding?  Apparently a habit I really should try and get him out of for all our sakes.  Little bugger.  I have come to the conclusion that like myself Alfie is high maintenance.  Has been pretty much since conception [see pregnancy posts] so why would he change at birth?  More wishful thinking on my part I believe.  Alfie’s bitting and batting frustrates Alan.  Not in a way that he shouts or becomes angry with Alfie he is just frustrated with him.  I tell him off for this all the time – babies sense their parents mood and I don’t want Alfie feeling unsettled because of our bad moods.

Anyway, I have totally moved away from the subject of this blog post although I feel it necessary not only to get it out but to give more depth into what I am about to write.  As you know if you have been following my blog I’m trying to restart breastfeeding.  Trying being the operative word here.  We are struggling immensely.  This is partly my fault for probably not trying hard enough when we have had bad days or I have been exhausted from Alfie waking every hour in the night and day and having to do it all alone because Alan has been at work.  I feel like I am failing and to type the word failing breaks my heart and my eyes are welling up.  I am so desperate for this to work.  I have the double pump I have borrowed from the breastfeeding support team but with Alfie’s fussiness during the day and night finding the time isn’t east.  I promise this isn’t an excuse, I barely have time to drink a glass of water [and this shows in the colour of my wee lately!] let alone sit down on my own and express.  I try Alfie on the breast before each feed – sometimes he will feed for a good 30 minutes but still want topping up with formula.  I don’t mind this so much because at least I know he is getting some goodness from breast milk.  Most of the time though he will feed for a few minutes 5/10 if I’m lucky then become frustrated and scream to be fed.  I always give in which by doing so he is probably learning that if he persists long enough he will get the bottle???  I can’t leave him screaming though, I feel so bad.  A breastfeeding link worker also told me when he cries and becomes frustrated at the breast he could associate being at the breast with a bad feeling and I should pass him to dad for feeding.  In an ideal world this would be great but Alan works shifts so it isn’t possible and laying Alfie down to calm down isn’t an option because he doesn’t.

I’m stuck in a rut and wondering if I should give it up as a bad job or put more effort in?  I knew re starting breastfeeding wasn’t going to be easy and I’m not expecting it to just happen but wanting to do it and having the ability to do it are two different things.  For one, I can’t just stay in the house 24/7 and breastfeeding outside the house especially when we are struggling is quite daunting to me.  I would feel embarrassed trying to breastfeed and failing in public and giving in with a bottle.  People judge without knowing the full story.  I would stay in 24/7 but with all the hospital appointments we have for Alfie [3 this week] it isn’t possible not to mention my sanity would suffer further.  As I mentioned earlier expressing isn’t always possible due to Alfie’s unsettled state.  What’s a girl to do? 

I bet you’re wondering if things are so hard, why haven’t I just given it up already and stuck with formula feeding and if you’re not wondering I’m still going to tell you.  Whoever you are.  I haven’t given up because it is something I really want to do.  I really want my baby to have the very best and as we all know “breast is best.”  I want that specialness between Alfie and I when he is feeding, I want our bond to grow stronger.  I want to feel that sense of achievement that I have done something good – even more so for succeeding in restarting breastfeeding.  I want to be able to succeed and be able to offer other mums in my position advice and support – like I have been shown by my breastfeeding link worker.  I want to do it for me but even more so I want to do it for Alfie.  There is a breastfeeding support group local to me on a Wednesday but my confidence is stopping me from attending.  I will feel so embarrassed by trying to breastfeed, failing and having to break out the bottle.  Again, as I type this my eyes start to fill up and all I want to do is cry.  I am failing miserably.  What else can I do???

In an ideal world I’d like to have a link worker with me every day of the week, helping me through it – offering support and advice and making sure I’m doing it right.  Is it my positioning? Is it a slow or fast let down?  Is it a slow flow?  All those problems and more go through my head at every failed breast feed.  A link worker is there to understand and support and advise, they won’t pass judgment they are simply supportive and praise your efforts for trying.  It isn’t an ideal world though and there aren’t enough support workers to go around and my need is no greater than any other woman out there so I shouldn’t be given preferential treatment.  Doesn’t stop me wanting though.  If I ever succeed at restarting breastfeeding I am definitely going to volunteer to be a support worker.

I don’t want to give up, I really, really don’t but I don’t know where to go from here?  If you’re reading this and you’ve been successful or unsuccessful in breastfeeding I would really love to hear from you.  Any support, advice or inspiration would be greatly received by Alfie and I.  Anything is worth a try at this stage.  Anything.

Green Nippers Review

Green Nippers – An Organic, Eco Warrior Parents & Reflux Babies Dream me thinks!
If you’ve been reading my blog recently, you’ll probably know that Alfie suffers with severe reflux. I have put a lot of later than usual nights in researching reflux and ways to make things easier for my gorgeous boy. I was directed to Green Nippers by a friend on Twitter and I’m so glad I was!
“Green Nippers are an ethical, eco-conscious, organic baby and children’s clothing label, inspired by all things green.”

The outfit when it arrived.

Close up of the cute little green crab on the all in one

After an email from Victoria, I was sent the quite appropriately named “Alfie” all in one suit. I opened up the packaging which you may be interested to know was also eco-friendly and I was instantly excited! The all in one suit named Alfie is brightly coloured in blue, green and yellow – perfect for my baby boy! I took the all in one out of the packaging and couldn’t believe how soft it was! Softer than any other baby garment I’ve ever felt before! I was so surprised at how soft it was, I passed it over to my friend to have a feel! I couldn’t wait to try this out on my gorgeous boy!

It wasn’t long before I had my first opportunity to use the all in one as after his afternoon feed, Alfie was incredibly sick. Nothing unusual for us but it meant I had to change him completely because his outfit and vest were soaked through (yes, it’s that bad). Instantly I thought of the Green Nippers outfit and tried it on him. The garment is soft and unrestrictive meaning it went on like a dream which I’m sure any mummy with a wriggly baby will agree is something of a necessity when buying baby clothes – not to mention a mummy with a wriggly and extremely uncomfortable baby! As you can see from the picture below, he looked GORGEOUS and clearly loved it from the smile on his face! The bright colours suited him and the soft and unrestrictive material felt like pure air on his skin!

Alfie wearing Green NippersAlfie Organic Babygrow

Putting Alfie in his swing I felt comfortable knowing he was comfortable. His feeding time soon came around and as we are trying to restart breastfeeding I put him to the breast and the outfit, to the test (sorry, bad rhyming!). Now something I haven’t mentioned about the outfit is that the sleeves actually fold over making scratch mits! Perfect for breastfeeding mummies as babies hands tend to wander and grab onto you when breastfeeding – not such a nice feeling with their nails digging in! Alfie grabs me quite frequently out of frustration (milk not coming fast enough, tummy ache etc.) so after feeding him for five minutes with the scratch mits I was at ease – a less stressed mummy = a less stressed baby. Perfect! Now some people may think, “why not just use scratch mits”…that’s all good and well but with new babies and wriggly babies these can easily come off and therefore aren’t as effective…babies aren’t going to be able to pull or rub the sleeves of the all in one off now are they?!

Alfie breastfeeding with sleeve folded over making scratch mit

Alfie seems a lot more settled with breast milk (the reason we are restarting breastfeeding) so I put him down for a nap in the all in one. True to form though Alfie was eventually sick all over the all in one which meant I had to change him, again. Great. I changed him, settled him and put him in his swing while I put the washing in. The wash test with the garment was something that was equally important to me as how Alfie felt in it because as we all know garments change after washing be it the texture, the fit or the colour. I’m very pleased to say the outfit was washed for the fourth time this morning after Alfie has worn it three more times since the first time and it is on my washing line still soft, still bright and colourful and when he wears it again I can rest assured knowing it is still unrestrictive! Perfect!

Green Nippers pride themselves in only producing Soil Association certified organic baby clothes and baby accessories that are made from 100% organic cotton and chemical free dyes. Ideal for babies with skin conditions such as eczema as there are no harsh chemicals to irritate babies skin! It is recommended to only dress babies in 100% cotton, lose fit clothing in hot weather so the Green Nippers garments are ideal! Green Nippers have clothes for boys, girls AND unisex babies from 0-12 months and are planning on launching the organic clothing line for older children from 0 to 5 years."

Since receiving the Alfie all in one, I have visited the Green Nippers website on more than one occasion deciding which garment I can spend Alan’s hard earned wage on next. He doesn’t mind though as he LOVED the garment, not just for the benefits it has for Alfie but the fact that it is so stylish and colourful! What more could a parent want in clothing for their baby? Green Nippers have all corners covered in my opinion!

Victoria has been extremely generous and has given me a fantastic 15% discount code for all my readers that is valid until 31st August 2011. So to get your fabulous organic, eco-friendly, BABY FRIENDLY Green Nippers outfit visit their website and at the checkout use the code ORGANIC to receive your 15% discount! Perfect for all babies, let me assure you!

Advantages of Green Nippers Organic Clothes Include:

- Made from soft 100% organic cotton
- Contains no nasty chemicals and pesticides
- Eczema friendly
- Only nickel free poppers fastenings are used
- Soil Association certified
- High quality, durable and easy to care for
- Cool and Comfortable
- Environmentally friendly
- Generously sized to fit around cloth nappies
- Their range of practical all-in-one outfits are ideal for babies suffering from reflux
- Designed in England
- Ethically made in Turkey

Visit the Green Nippers website here
Find Green Nippers on Facebook here
Tweet Green Nippers on Twitter here

The Argument

Saturday afternoon and I have done bugger all and I’m quite cranky because of this so this post may seem a little abrupt. I’m chilled at the moment though, kind of. Alfie is asleep in his swing, pulling faces, snoring and every bit of him looking gorgeous and perfect. Alan is asleep in bed (he’s on nights tonight) and quite frankly at this moment in time, I don’t give a toss what he looks like. OK that sounds harsh, I do care but like I said I’m cranky and it’s his fault therefore I don’t care even if I do. Make sense? Thought not. It doesn’t to me either and I’m writing the bloody thing!

Last night Alfie slept for 6 hours!!! Just a shame it was from 7:30pm, tonight I’m going to wake him for a feed at around 10 to see if I can get him to sleep through a little longer. He has been extremely fussy this morning from around 6am which meant that neither Alan nor I have had much sleep this morning. It shouldn’t have mattered to Alan because he’s on nights and needs to be tired to sleep in the afternoon. So, I managed to get some breakfast whilst Alan was feeding Alfie. This is the first time I’ve managed to get breakfast before lunch time since Alfie came home! After eating my breakfast I had to sort Alfie out because he was unsettled in his swing and Alan wasn’t about to do anything. I should have been trying to express and he knew this. But whatever.

Anyway we were supposed to be going out this morning and I had to yet again prompt Alan to get ready but instead he had some breakfast which he could have had over an hour previous whilst he was watching TV and I had Alfie. He then proceeded to get dressed but Alan takes FOREVER to get dressed. I half think he’s an alien in a man disguise or a reverse Mrs Doubtfire with the length of time he takes to get dressed. For those of you that don’t know Alan, he’s not a “pretty boy” he’s a mans man. Jeans and a t-shirt or combats and a t-shirt is daily attire. Shorts if it’s warm and he’s feeling it. He’ll brush his teeth and his hair then he’s done. This should take what, 15 minutes top? HA! Try 30-45 minutes! Before Alfie was born, mostly before I got pregnant I was a bit of a poser. Not in the self-centred sense. I just hated to leave the house without makeup and a decent outfit. It’s a confidence thing. Since having Alfie I have managed to wear makeup maybe twice and by makeup I mean a quick slick of foundation and sweep of bronzer. Since having a baby I barely have time to scratch my arse let alone anything else. So by the time Alan came downstairs, it was too late to go anywhere. He argued it wasn’t but the thing is, when I had taken 10 minutes to get dressed it was already 10:45 and Alan likes to try to go to bed at 12 noon when he’s on nights. This meant we’d have an hour to go somewhere and get back. It wasn’t worth it. I said I’d go to town on my own, on the bus (not sure if I have mentioned before, I can’t drive yet) he then said in quite a cocky manner that we both knew I wouldn’t go on the bus so why did he have to get the pram out. BLAH BLAH BLAH. He eventually did.

Alfie took ages to settle then because he needed feeding so I gave up attempting going to town yet we still argued. When I say argue I mean bicker. Alan and I don’t really argue, mostly because neither of us can be arsed with it. This is the short version but basically we bickered our points across to each other. Me because he has to be PROMPTED to do something otherwise he just sits on his arse. Him because I moan at him. Absolutely stupid but it left me a bit teary and cross and Alan fed up. He went to bed and we didn’t speak as he went. He kissed Alfie and went up. I was half tempted to go upstairs and make a load of noise sorting Alfie’s bedroom but I decided that’s not me. I’m not a bitch, why start now?

I’m slightly mad because he said he gave me the night to myself last night when actually he didn’t. Alfie was already asleep and so was Alan by 9pm so I went and sorted the bedroom out so that Alan could get straight in bed at noon today. Hardly a relaxing night eh? I then came downstairs and because they were both asleep I grabbed some me time talking to friends on Twitter, mainly Jayne actually. I finally fell asleep at around midnight (ish) only to be woken at 1:30 by Alfie! The argument is probably down to both of us being tired not to mention me already being fed up of being home alone all the time. I’ve been in the house all week apart from yesterday. I’m getting fed up of the same four walls. I’m happy having only Alfie as company but I just wish he felt a little better making it easier for me to take him out on my own.

The above is just ramblings and probably makes no sense and seems quite petty but it’s made me feel a bit better now I have vented it. I still feel like he’s a bit of a knob but he probably thinks the same about me or he would if he was awake. We’re both as bad as each other! We very seldom had a disagreement before Alfie arrived but now we seem to bicker often. That’s what lack of sleep does to you I suppose. I mean, it’s nothing to worry about my marriage is hardly on the rocks. I’m still crazy in love with him – I guess we just need to learn to talk rather than bicker. Everything will be fine when he gets up, it always is. I just needed to vent and venting to Alfie isn’t appropriate or effective!

On a brighter note, I’m starting to make lists for Alfie’s none christening …like a naming ceremony but not as poncy! A kind of, welcome to the world party. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in a previous post? We have quotes for two venues but we prefer one slightly more than the other. I have to call the venue on Monday to discuss. If they’re wanting a deposit they’ll have to wait until the end of the month, Alan’s gone from weekly pay to monthly now he has is full time permanent contract with his employer (used to be agency) and my maternity pay covers about as much as Jodie Marsh’s choice in underwear!

Oh, day 6 of the restarting breastfeeding…not much to report on. I have the nipple shields in the steriliser as I type so hopefully will give them a go when Alfie wakes up later.

Thanks for reading x

Living with a Little Refluxer

Before I get down and dirty with telling you all about reflux or rather as much as I know from research I’ll just give a quickie paragraph or two about today’s antics and what not. We’re on day 5 of restarting to breastfeed and the Medela double pump machine is brilliant. It’s not working miracles just yet but I’ve managed to express more than what I usually do. I’ve tried him on the breast today but he’s been having none of it. I read a breastfeeding blog the other day and the woman on there said nipple shields were recommended to her and they worked so we’ve been and bought some today. Will keep you updated on how I get on with them! Not done anything special today Alan was on days so he came home at lunch time and we’ve been to town shopping then out for some lunch at the Bluebell – first time since I went into labour that Sunday evening… We’ve also bought some reusable nappies to trial today, eco warrior or what! Will review them next week and let you know how we get on. On a fantastic note, Alfie has been going 4 hours between feeds all by himself today. I’m so proud! I discovered yesterday and again today that he loves to play PEEPO. It’s unbelievably cute when he smiles and laughs at me doing it. I reckon he’s probably thinking “God, my mummy’s a wally” rather than “Wow this is dead fun!”. Bless.

Ok so living with a little refluxer… When Alfie was 2 week old he was diagnosed with severe reflux and although I don’t think that’s the whole problem with him being extremely sick he definitely has reflux symptoms. He is currently taking Infant Gaviscon x6 day, Ranitadine x3 day, Domperidone x4 day and Omperazole x1 day. Let me tell you it’s a bugger trying to get them down him without him spitting them out or choking on them. The Ranitadine and the Omperazole taste disgusting, the Domperidone has quite a sweet taste to it so he seems to like this. Yes I’ve tasted them I wasn’t putting anything in my baby without testing it myself first. He also has Infacol and gripe water both of which he likes the taste of.

Feeding times are stressful for both Alfie and I. Feeds usually start off OK then they progressively get worse and worse until we’re both in tears. It’s not as bad now as it was before he had the medication but it’s still pretty bad. He arches his back and cries after taking a few gulps. He struggles with the feed, squirming around obviously in pain. When he is burped he is sick. After his feed is finished he is sick. An hour after his feed he can be sick. He’s also sick in his sleep. When I say sick, I don’t mean a little bit…I mean three or four bibs per feed, a muslin cloth and a few outfit changes per day. It feels like it’s none stop. Once he’s sick, he is settled for five minutes before crying in hunger or pain or both. It’s heart breaking. When he is in his moses basket or pram, he needs to be propped up to prevent the acid from coming back up so we’ve bought a wedge to do this. Propping the moses basket up on books etc. isn’t safe or as effective as using a specially designed wedge because the incline isn’t great enough. We’ve also bought umpteen more bibs and muslin squares. It’s a nightmare. Reflux also means that tight clothing is a no-no. I mean I wouldn’t put a tight waistband on Alfie anyway but you have to be extra careful. Changing his nappy I have to move him side to side rather than picking his legs up and sliding the nappy underneath. Basically, his head needs to be above his tummy as much as possible.

A basic way of describing reflux is like heartburn but in babies. The medical name for reflux is gastro-oesophageal reflux or GOR which is very common in babies, when it is severe like in Alfie’s case it is referred to as GORD... the D standing for disease which is not so common. Some of the common symptoms of reflux are:

• Crying in pain
• Discomfort when feeding (arching, screaming, refusal, turning away)
• Fussiness
• Runny nose
• Frequent vomiting or spitting up
• Poor sleep habits, frequent waking
• Wet burps
• Hiccups
• Comfort feeding- constant feeding to alleviate pain
• Food intolerances
• Hoarse voice, sore throat

Information from http://www.babyreflux.co.uk

The diaphragm is the muscle which separates the chest cavity from the abdominal cavity. As the oesophagus passes through the diaphragm, the diaphragm acts like a valve - stopping stomach contents from going backwards up the oesophagus. Doctors refer to this valve mechanism as asphincter.

Sometimes the valve action isn't as strong as it could be. In babies it is because the sphincter action of the diaphragm isn't fully developed. During the first year of a baby's life, the sphincter action gradually gets stronger and their chance of having reflux decreases.
Around 50% of babies will get some reflux but in only a small percentage of these is it a real problem. At the age of 10 months the number is down to about one in twenty babies.

Managing Alfie’s reflux is proving to be increasingly difficult as the days go by. It’s stressful and concerning to see your child in obvious pain and discomfort. At the moment our life is based around hospital appointments. We have another scan booked for Thursday 14th next week, an appointment in the children’s assessment unit on Tuesday 19th and an appointment in paediatrics on 22nd. The scan is to check Alfie doesn’t have a disease called Pyloric Stenosis. I’m hoping the scan comes back clear and he doesn’t have this although I have researched it, just in case.

Reflux isn’t something you are told about or something you even think about during pregnancy unless you know of it already. You’re told about baby colic and all the other common problems but not reflux. I find this odd considering how common it’s supposed to be…the disease isn’t so common but GOR is pretty common with a fair few babies suffering with it. There is also silent reflux which is harder to diagnose because it occurs without regurgitation. I have to be thankful that at least Alfie doesn’t have this form of reflux otherwise we may still be looking for the cause of his discomfort and pain.

Next week, I will have a blog review based on a product from http://www.greennippers.co.uk which is ideal for babies with reflux as well as babies with other problems including skin disorders. I was extremely excited to receive the product earlier this week and I’m even more excited to review it! We have had our first test run of it already and plan to test run it again a couple of times. If you’re an Eco Warrior Mummy or know someone who is, watch out for this post or visit the website now! I have a special discount code for my readers that will be in the post next week so keep your eyes peeled!

Ta very much for reading my lovelies!

A quickie before a pumping session...

Go on then, I’ll spoil you with another blog post for today. I should actually be washing the pots, sterilising the bottles and expressing some milk with my new gadget (more on that shortly) but the pots aren’t going anywhere, we have plenty of clean sterilised bottles and I expressed just short of an hour ago so no rush. Anyway, Alan’s home from work now so he can do the first two don’t think he’d cope with the third somehow. Alan’s sorting Alfie out with a clean nappy and the fourth clothes change today (sick-y clothes) and trying to keep him settled until he’s allowed his next feed at 11pm the very earliest.

We’ve had an average day, stayed in because it’s rained on and off all day. Alfie doesn’t like this every 3-4 hour malarkey at all. He was fine this morning but when Wendy came he would not sleep and he wanted feeding again after an hour. He cried and cried and I wasn’t far off joining him. I don’t agree with leaving babies to cry, I think its pretty mean and selfish. Babies cry for a reason, its their way of communicating to us whether they want feeding, a cuddle, nappy changed, to be left alone or whatever else. I tried all of the above and a few more except feeding him. He was not a happy bunny. Well, I tell a lie he was fine for about 30 minutes and that was because I stripped him off completely nappy and all and laid him on his changing mat. He quite likes this nuddy business and he’ll happily lay and kick his legs about and talk to himself. I gave in at 2 hours and 45 minutes and fed him. What’s 15 minutes between friends!?

Wendy couldn’t believe just how much he throws up and how uncomfortable he is when feeding. You have to see it to believe it I think but believe you me, it’s pretty bad. Put it this way, I’ve had to change twice today because he’s wet me through with sick. It’s so hard to watch him struggle and I feel terrible but aside from doing what the doctors say: continue with meds and reduce his feeds and space them out more there isn’t much else I can do aside from try my very best to comfort him. Tomorrow, if I can settle Alfie I’m going to post a blog about reflux both from research and personal points of view. Before Alfie was born and before he was diagnosed I’d never heard of reflux or how bad it can be for families with reflux babies. If just one person reads my blog and is a little more educated about reflux, I’ll be happy. And I know I have at least TWO readers both of whom are very close friends of mine. So, if you’re reading this and you aren’t Jayne or Adele thank you for reading and please spread the word – my writing isn’t anything special but it’s honest and open and I’m talking from a new mummy perspective and the only experience I have is what I have on the day it happens. I may not have 6 kids and know everything there is to know about babies or pregnancy or birth but my experiences are first hand and I won’t omit any of the gory details.

So, day 4 of the restarting breastfeeding and my link worker called up today with an electric pump for me to loan for 6 weeks. The agreement is 6 weeks but should I need it after this 6 weeks, she’ll arrange it for me. Hire of these pumps is not based on a first come, first served but a priority basis which I think is fantastic. I’ve been classed as “high” priority because I’m trying to re start breastfeeding, promote milk production and I’ve stuck at it since coming out of hospital. Yes Alfie is 5 weeks old (almost 6 – jesus where does the time go?!) and that might seem to some people like I’m not trying hard enough or I’m failing but they’d be WRONG. Breastfeeding a baby is demanding enough but trying to restart breastfeeding a baby who is fussy when being fed and extremely hard to settle after a feed is even harder let me tell you. I’m no superstar and I’m no expert I’m just trying to do my best for my baby – in my opinion, no one elses. So the pump is a Medla Lactina Electric Plus and it’s a double pump. It’s massive and isn’t exactly glamourous but it does the job and it does it well. I’ve used it twice and while I haven’t managed a bucket full of milk I’ve managed to get something off. After this post, I plan to have another go with it. Not only is it quiet and effective but it’s surprisingly comfortable – and FREE! Seriously, if you’re considering expressing milk speak with a breastfeeding link worker or Surestart in your area and ask about hiring one because they tend to be better than the shop bought ones and a hell of a lot cheaper!

So, this is my pump and my best mate for the next 6 weeks. Every spare moment I get, I’m getting this bad boy out for a good old sesh! Wish me luck!

So tomorrow’s post, all being well if I can settle Alfie will be dedicated to REFLUX. Read it, you might learn something you never knew or it might just pass a bit of time while you’re boiling the kettle!

Night all x

Nobody tells you these things...

I’m typing this in the middle of doing housework, eating breakfast, planning Alfie’s outfit, thinking about Alfie’s “none christening” (all will be revealed) AND brainstorming for my next blog. Alfie is asleep for the moment so I’m getting a post in while I can. I have my friend Wendy and her baby boy Oliver over this morning. I met Wendy when I was 6 weeks pregnant and she was 12 in hospital. We were admitted on the same day with Hypermesis Gravidarum (severe sickness) and we were discharged the same day! It’s the first time we’ve seen each other since having our little ones although we’re always texting or messaging on facebook comparing notes or having the odd moan! Nobody tells you how lonely it can get being a new mummy when your husband/partner works.

Today we are on day 3 of re starting breastfeeding and yesterday was extremely unsuccessful. I’m not disheartened though I’m keeping at it! I have the breastfeeding link worker coming to see me at some point today. She’s going to see if she can get hold of a double pump for me to loan so I can at least express milk…at the moment I have a hand pump which is extremely time consuming! I do have a single electric pump but I can’t seem to get on with it, it seems better to use when your boobs are full and at the moment mine aren’t. Nobody tells you how hard it is, they just bang on about how NATURAL it is.

Yesterday we went to hospital to see the consultant about Alfie’s reflux/sickness problem. He was sick over 4 times in the doctors’ office alone and another 2 times in the nurses’ office when he was being weighed and measured. The doctor told us it is a very severe case of reflux which is why he’s on so much medication at the moment and it can only be reduced once his sickness reduces. That reminds me…I need more of the Rinitadine soon! *makes note to call doctor*… He also observed Alfie’s weight gain. He is a big baby and I was concerned over his weight gain but the health visitors and the doctors all told me everything was fine but now they are telling me perhaps he is feeding too much! I can’t bloody win! First they tell me to carry on with what I’m doing because he’s thriving well, now they tell me I need to alter everything because he’s gaining weight too quickly. I feel terrible but the doctor did reassure me that Alfie will ACT and SEEM as if he is hungry with ALL the signs of hunger (tongue lashing, suckling hand, routing etc…) because when babies tummies hurt especially with reflux it hurts LESS when they feed but it’s a vicious circle because this then makes it hurt more so they need to feed more.

We, the doctor and I worked out the amount Alfie can have in 24 hours and we need to make him go at least 3 hours between each feed, ideally 4. At night this isn’t so hard because he does 4-5 hours on his own but during the day and before bed he wants to feed every 2 hours at times (sometimes he does go 3-4 hours). This is proving to be a challenge because both Alfie and I are used to demand feeding. This morning he fed at 3.28AM and woke at 5 wanting feeding again. It took me AGES to get him to settle, I tried everything and more eventually he settled and slept until 6 when Alan got home from his night shift. Alfie was laid fine for all of 5 minutes before he was chewing his hand and crying! We managed to get to 6:31…3 hours and 3 minutes since his last feed. I’ve downloaded an app for my iphone which records the time on each breast, the ml he has in a bottle and the amount I express. It works out averages for you and everything is to hand at all times. I was writing it down but it’s not convenient writing and feeding a baby at the same time. I highly recommend apps for pregnancy, labour (contraction timer) and baby feed record.
As it stands as I type this, Alfie has gone 3 hours. I’m hoping he can make it to 4 hours just to see if it does help him in anyway. We’re back at the hospital in 2 weeks time for review. I’m dreading it and looking forward to it. I just want my baby to feel better and I’ll try anything and everything they can advise. We are also being re referred for the scan of his tummy and they’ll keep doing it until they can get a clear scan. Nobody tells you these things about having a baby!

Last night, my friend Adele (@Bluelightsphoto on Twitter) came over because her other half was having a lads night and Alan was at work so we decided it was time for a catch up. We do have a lot to catch up on what with me having a new baby and Adele and her fella getting their first house together. It’s exciting but busy times for us both. The other reason Adele came over is because she is helping me with a very important (to me anyway) blog post that I’m planning in the next couple of weeks. It will be titled Pregnancy, Birth & Motherhood: The Ugly Beautiful Truth. I’m really excited to write it and even more excited for people to read it. I’m hoping a few people give me a chance and actually sit down and read it. I’m not one for bragging or bigging myself up but for this post, I’ll be tweeting, facebooking and whatever else asking people to read it. Personally, I think it’s an important blog to write and to my knowledge it is rarely touched upon.

On another note, might be taking Alfie swimming tomorrow if I can get to Cortonwood (shopping place) in time to get my new swimming cossy changed! I bought a size 8 but it doesn’t fit! I suppose I was wishful thinking! It’s a lovely hot pink, tummy control alter neck number…think the special K advert but nicer! Anyway, I suppose I ought to get off my backside and finish the housework before Wendy gets here otherwise the poor lass won’t have anywhere to sit as my washing is currently on the “guest sofa” and looking out of the window now, doesn’t look like it’s going on the line because it’s pissing it down! Brilliant!

Restarting Breastfeeding - Day 1

As I type this, Alfie is fast asleep in his swing and in a way I’m dreading his next feed. You see, I’m trying to re start breastfeeding and let me tell you, it’s no easy task! From the first meeting with the doctor or midwife, it is drilled into us that “breast is best” yet despite this it did take me a while to come around to the idea. When I eventually made my mind up that I wanted to breastfeed, I had my heart set on it. I saw the breastfeeding support worker, I read the books, magazines and articles and I watched the DVD. It’s one of the most natural things in the world but not the easiest.

If you’ve read my birthing blog you’ll know that I haemorrhaged quite badly and ended up having a blood transfusion. It all sounds very dramatic but it really wasn’t. The worst part about losing the blood was losing my energy and my milk taking longer to “come in”. In the delivery room, I managed to breastfeed Alfie on my own without any assistance and it felt so natural and right. Once on the ward, I managed fine at first and then as I got weaker and weaker from the blood loss Alfie became more and more demanding wanting feeding every 15 minutes. I struggled to keep him satisfied with my colostrum. I had numerous midwives and breastfeeding helpers come and check out the positioning and latch – both of which were fine Alfie was indeed just a hungry baby. We tried feeding him a tiny bit of formula from a cup which worked for all of 30 minutes. He screamed and screamed. The midwives on the ward were less than helpful, coming in when he was screaming and trying to “shove” him on my boob. It wasn’t working. In the end I caved in and asked for a bottle. It was heart breaking feeling like I had failed him but it was even worse hearing his sobs. I was made to feel guilty by the midwife for even considering giving him formula so when I asked for the bottle she tried to guilt me further. Had I not been so exhausted, she probably would have gotten the sharp end of my tongue but as it happened I just ignored her guilt trip and fed my son with a bottle.

Coming home, I tried to get him to latch on but he was struggling to get anything from me or so it seemed. We bought an electric pump and had a manual one besides, I tried expressing but I wasn’t even getting an ounce off. Nowhere near enough to satisfy Alfie’s appetite. I kept at it though because after all, “breast is best”. Alfie started to suffer with constipation and my health visitor thought it could be due to the mixed feeding. She advised me to choose one method of feeding. Breast OR Formula. Not both. It was a no brainer for me; I wanted to breastfeed but didn’t think it was possible. I told her my concerns about having such a hungry baby and a low milk supply and she contacted the breastfeeding support worker on my behalf. The very same day the support worker came out to see us and gave me lots of support and advice: Breastfeed at least 8-12 times per day, express first thing in the morning and 30mins after every feed, lots of skin to skin contact and try not to get stressed. She observed a feed and he managed a while on the breast – his latch and positioning was perfect. According to her we were both naturals. I felt so positive after her visit and I kept trying.

Alfie started being severely sick at 2 weeks old, he was struggling with feeding you could see it visibly hurt him. He was constantly unsettled. He has been diagnosed with severe reflux although I think he may have a milk allergy – saving reflux and milk allergies for another post. Anyway, he isn’t so sick with breast milk so it makes perfect sense to re start breastfeeding right? Right. Just a shame it isn’t easy in fact it’s far far from it! We are both struggling with it. I don’t know if it’s me, him or a mixture of the two. I understand that he gets milk quicker from the bottle which is why he prefers it over breast although once he is latched on to the breast and settled he is fine. I’m counting today as DAY 1 of restarting breastfeeding. So far, it isn’t going too well. I’m trying to get him on the breast before every single feed. So far today he has managed twice to get a decent time on each breast…all the other times he has latched on for 2 minutes and come off screaming. After trying for a further couple of minutes I give up because he’s too stressed and I don’t want him to associate going to the breast with a bad feeling.

Tomorrow I am expecting a call from my breastfeeding link worker and I’m going to ask her to come and see us to observe another feed so she can offer her advice and assistance. I’m also going to breastfeeding support group just up the road from me on Wednesday. I am giving this my very best shot so I need all the help, support, guidance and encouragement anyone has to offer. It’s going to be a long, hard path but the benefits speak for themselves; it’s certainly worth a shot and in the end, if it doesn’t work at least I can say I tried. The fact is, whilst I’m mixed feeding him he’s getting at least SOME goodness from my breast milk. That has to be worth something.

Here’s to DAY 1 – let’s hope things get easier with each day.

Any advice from any readers would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. Two hour later and Alfie is STILL asleep…hurrah!!

One July Weekend

This weekend, despite baby Alfie not being 100% well (see previous post) has been bloody wonderful and I’m not just talking about the very rare but very welcome glorious weather! It has been Alan’s first full weekend off from work since he went back from paternity leave now, that might not have been many moons ago but still a welcome break for him and certainly lovely company for Alfie and I.

We trusted the weather man this weekend and he came through for us for once! The forecast for the weekend has been sunny and everyone has been planning BBQ’s, days out and days in the garden. Alan and I had discussed going away for the day to the Peak District (one of our favourite, special places) regardless of the weather conditions but when we knew the weather was going to be good, it made even more sense to get ourselves out! Friday, I went and bought baby sun lotion for Alfie – I have a poorly baby as it is I certainly don’t want a sunburnt, unhappy baby!

[SATURDAY]
In the morning whilst I bathed, fed and dressed Alfie as well as getting his things together for the day, Alan nipped to Tesco for picnic supplies. He returned whilst I was feeding our little man and boy was he armed with supplies! We had REAL ham – none of that plastic shite if you please! We had my favourite crisps – MONSTER MUNCH (beef flavour for those who are interested!), Rocky Robins, KitKats and Drifters, Cheese string, Flavoured water and other such nibbles. Note the three different chocolate bars? Well, Alan took over feeding Alfie whilst I prepared our picnic I packed x3 KitKats each, x2 Rocky Robins each and x2 Drifters each and guess what…we didn’t eat any of them!

Alan and I had already planned to go to Ladybower on Saturday; it’s one of Alan’s favourite places because it’s so beautiful and holds a lot of history. We set off armed with picnic, baby stuff, bottles and the camera. Alfie slept the whole way there which is good considering Alan thought he’d try a new route and ended up going MILES out of the way by accident. Idiot. Alfie was still asleep when we got to Ladybower which was HEAVING by the way. Bloody fair weather visitors, I remember when Alan and I visited a couple of years ago when it was COVERED in snow. Anyway, I digress… So we got there, parked up, put Alfie in his pram and away we went. I started pushing Alfie but it’s hungry work pushing a pram over rough terrain don’t ya know so I handed the steering over to Alan whilst I tucked into my half of the picnic. Now I know picnics are usually laid out on a blanket on some grass all romantical like but with a 4 (almost 5) week old baby in the middle of summer with little shade, this isn’t really practical so I walked and ate.

We saw plenty of mountain bikers, walkers and families enjoying the sun – we even saw a few photographers taking advantage of not only the beautiful weather but the stunning surroundings (seriously, if you’ve never been…you really should go). We never set off with the intention of walking the WHOLE way around because all in all it’s 26 miles, again with a baby not entirely practical. Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!!! Alfie woke up for his feed, so Alan carried and fed him whilst I pushed the pram. We were what felt like half way around when we decided to turn back. Alfie wouldn’t settle which I’m guessing was a combination of him not feeling well and the weather. I tried playing him soothing music (downloaded Baby Mozart) which worked for about 15 minutes before he became increasingly unsettled. In the end I ended up carrying him and he stopped crying immediately. Think he just wanted some mummy cuddles. Total mummy’s boy my Alfie but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s not allowed to “man up” until he’s 30. So there. Being a new mummy, I have to admit a mistake I made when packing for our day out: I forgot a jacket, a blanket and some socks for Alfie. Luckily the weather was very warm so there wasn’t much need for any of these until we got back to the Information point which is all completely shaded by trees so it was a little chilly! Mummy mistake learnt from!

At the Information point where Alan finished the rest of his sarnies (he ate his after me) and gave the ducks his crusts – he doesn’t need to eat crusts he’s already got a hairy chest. We wanted to buy something for Alfie’s memory box so Alan went into the gift shop whilst I cuddled Alfie on a bench in the shade (gift shop not pram friendly you see). He came back with a sew on badge and a walking stick badge. Sounds daft getting a walking stick badge but it’s something Alan’s grandfather collected so it meant something to him. We got in the car and Alfie started crying. I hate it when this happens but as much I would have liked Alan to pull over so I could take Alfie out and cuddle him better it’s not ideal driving around with very few places to pull over and park. Alan drove around and after 5-10 minutes Alfie settled down and drifted off to baby sleep land.

After Alfie was settled, we decided to drive through to Castleton. We both love Castleton, we have gone every year at Christmas time almost every weekend Alan’s had off, we stayed there on our second New Years Eve of being together and on our second Valentine’s Day together we went for a long weekend with my friend Adele (@bluelightsphoto on Twitter). We visit quite often and are practically regulars at The Bulls Head! We have also stayed in Ye Olde Nags Head for the first part of our Honeymoon in November 2010 (recommend the food and accommodation here – very luxurious and very reasonably priced) Again, I digress!! On our way to Castleton we noticed signs for a vintage car and bike show at Bamford for Sunday, so we decided we’d visit there on Sunday. We were both hungry again by the time we arrived in Castleton so it was time to eat (again) and off we trot to The Bulls Head. I had the gammon (my usual), Alan had a “Blue Burger” (he doesn’t do usual’s…he likes to try everything on the menu). Alfie awoke before dinner was served so I fed him – dinner arrived half way through Alfie’s feed so Alan ate his first then took over feeding Alfie whilst I ate mine – it’s what we do at home and it works for us!

After dinner, we went to the Information centre in Castleton to buy something for his memory box. Alfie was being a mummy’s boy so I carried him around. Everyone, especially the women cooed over him – which is lovely it makes me feel so proud and happy. We bought a colour in picture of Castleton and a magnet of the Lancaster Bomber flying over Ladybower. After this, we head back to the car and set off home. A lovely day was had by all of us even if Alfie was a little unsettled.

Alan & Alfie at Ladybowe. Alfie's enjoying a spot of lunch

[SUNDAY]
Can you believe my little man slept 5 hours straight last night! No, neither can we! I’m a great believer in fresh air inducing the best night’s sleep – think Alfie proved my theory! We set off at lunch time after sorting Alfie’s stuff out (I remembered jacket, blanket and socks this time! Didn’t forget a thing!) and getting him settled. This time, Alan didn’t piss about and drove the way he knows best…over the Stines (he had been warned!!)

We got to Bamford just in time for Alfie’s feed (we’re demand feeding for those who are interested but Alfie usually goes 2.5-3 hours atm) we fed him in the car where it was shaded, got him settled in his pram with the brolly giving him plenty of shade and set off walking across the field to look at all the lovely vintage cars (you’ll have to excuse my sad hobbies from time to time!). Although he had been fed, changed and burped Alfie wouldn’t settle, it didn’t take long to work out what the problem was though…the nosey little bugger couldn’t see. What’s more, he couldn’t see ME. He has a thing for looking for me. His eyes follow me when I leave a room and Alan has to crane his arm to feed Alfie because he’s always looking at me. More proof we have a mummy’s boy! Once I was in eye shot…he fell asleep no problem. There were some beauties at the car show. My favourites included a 1951 Bentley Mark VI, a couple of Morris Minors and a couple of stunning E Type Jags. I’ll not bore you with any other details.

The car show was pretty small so we only stayed an hour before heading back into Castleton for the second time this weekend. Alan forgot to take some cash out of the bank before we set off which of course meant that parking would be difficult so we did the only thing we could do. We parked in The Bulls Head patrons car park and headed inside for lunch. We both had Sunday lunch (chicken, if you must know) and again we took it in turns eating/feeding Alfie.

After lunch Alfie settled really well so we had a lovely leisurely stroll around Castleton. If you’ve ever been to Castleton you’ll know it doesn’t take long to walk around but there’s loads to take in and plenty of breath taking views. We went back to the car after our stroll and set off home. Alan decided to go the “long” way so we drove past the Devils Arse (search it if you don’t know) and through Winnats Pass. We drove over the Strines and back home after another gorgeous family day out. We’ve been home since 5:30pm and after his feeds, Alfie is now fast a kip in his swing looking very perfect and angelic (sticking his tongue out and snoring!).

Alfie just after his bottle at the car show

Our first family weekend out and it has been simply beautiful. The weather has been gorgeous, the places we’ve visited beautiful, the food was divine (both picnic and pub lunches), the views spectacular, the driving comfortable and the company perfect in every single way. Here’s to many more wonderful family outings! Family life ROCKS!!!

Thanks for reading lovelies xx