Co-Sleeping & Never Say Never

Over the last couple of nights, I’ve decided I want to co-sleep with Alfie.  I had never considered co-sleeping until the other night, not for any particular reason the thought just never entered my head.  Of course I’d heard of co-sleeping, I just automatically bought the Moses basket and cotbed without considering the thought of co-sleeping.  I think it was Saturday last week when Alan started back at work on days after two weeks off where I made the decision that I’d like have a go at co-sleeping.  As he was on days, it was me that had to get up during the night if Alfie woke up and at 2am(ish) he did just that.  I tried to settle him but to no avail, Alfie was hungry so I fed him.  Bottle I’m upset to say (I’ll update on the breastfeeding later).  He was fed and fell asleep during the feed.  I lay cuddling him for ages, feeling his warm skin and smelling his baby scent, drinking in every bit of perfectness.  I didn’t have the heart to wake him to put him to bed nor did I want to put him back in his moses basket.  I just wanted to lay there with him next to me, so I did.  I must have fell asleep and woke up at 4am to Alan’s alarm.  He gave me a pretend angry look when he saw Alfie was in our bed.  I shrugged him off and told him we were comfy and I drifted back to sleep until Alfie woke up at 7ish the next morning.  I woke up to him gurgling to himself and kicking his legs around.  I got up, turned on the bedroom light and we played for a little while.  It was the happiest he’s woken up.  I was thoroughly excited that we’d slept in the same bed.  The closeness I felt was amazing.  I was hooked but wasn’t sure I’d be able to convince Alan.

From that night, if Alfie has woken during the night and I’ve got up with him – he’s come straight into our bed and stayed there until morning.  When Alan gets up with him, he puts Alfie back in his moses basket.  Yesterday I approached Alan about co-sleeping.  I say approached, it was more sounding his feelings out and he didn’t totally object!  We’ve been discussing buying a travel cot for when we go away and to use in our bedroom because Alfie won’t be in the moses basket for much longer so I started to research travel cots when I came across a co-sleeping cot.  The cot could also fold up in a travel cot style so I mentioned this to Alan.  I’m not entirely sure of his thoughts about co-sleeping, he hasn’t said much but the fact that he hasn’t completely objected gives me hope.  We’ve been needing a new bed for a while now because ours is metal and squeaky – read this as you will ;) and we’re hopefully buying one this month when Alan gets paid.  Tomorrow, I’m going to sit and talk to Alan about co-sleeping and ask for his thoughts on the matter and I’ll approach it by firstly mentioning our new bed.  To be honest, I don’t think he has much of a say in the matter as my mind is made up however I would like his support.  I am going to do some research into co-sleeping so, if you’re reading this and have any experience or knowledge I would really love to hear from you!

OK so they were pretty long paragraphs about co-sleeping but now we’ll get to the deeper stuff.  After the difficult pregnancy pretty much from day 1, Alan and I (and friends and family) had decided we would have just the one baby.  I wasn’t sure I could cope with the physical and emotional stress again and Alan felt the same even more so.  Even during the birth and weeks after I said we’d have no more.  At our 6 week check (that was done at 8 weeks) I was asked about the contraception I’d like to use, if any and I opted for the depo injection.  The doctor explained that this could take a while to get out of my system should we wish to get pregnant again.  I told her that wasn’t going to happen so the depo was ideal for us.  I had it there and then and my next one is due in October.  It’s due except I’m not going to have it.  I’m making an appointment with the doctor and asking to swap to a pill instead.  With the injection, I don’t know where I am with my periods at least with a pill I know there’s a 7 day gap where I may have one.  I also don’t like that it could take so long to come out of my system and hinder conception.  What’s that I hear you say?  I don’t want anymore babies?  My mind hasn’t been made up completely.  The jury is still out.  Actually it has been made up.  I think.  You see I’ve only thought things through with myself not said it out loud especially to Alan who keeps reiterating to anyone who will listen that we’re having no more babies!  This is the first time I’ve actually sat and thought about it and I have come to the decision that never say never!

I was already on the fence about it all and then today I was prompted to read a couple of birth stories that were truly inspirational.  The fact that they were amazing births didn’t make my mind up for me but it certainly helped.  I’d like to try a home water birth, if we ever conceive again.  Obviously this sounds ludicrous considering my begging for an epidural when Alfie was born but the thing is, I had nothing and I coped.  Yes it was painful, yes it was hard but I survived and I got through it so I could probably do it again.  Obviously conceiving Alfie wasn’t easy so maybe if we were to have any other babies we’d struggle again or it may just never happen and Alfie is our miracle baby.  The fact is, if we CAN have another baby naturally (without IVF treatment) I’d like to think that I will never say never.  Yes, Alan will need a hell of a lot of talking around because quite frankly the pregnancy and birth of Alfie scared him to death with all the complications.  Who could blame him for being scared to give it another go?  I just hope when I eventually talk to him about having another baby in a few years, he won’t dismiss it straight away.  He’ll at least give it some thought and consideration and will never say never.

NOTE: Any friend that mimics me saying I’d never have any more babies will be completely ignored as this is a very personal decision and not up for joking about.