I've been sat here staring at a blank page for a while now. I think I have writers block...not that I'm a writer as such but you get my drift. I have so much to blog and think about lately it's hard knowing what to write first!
I suppose I'll start with my recent facebook status...I've made the decision to return to work full time in June. It was touch and go whether I would go back to work at all at one point so to have made the decision to return full time is a big, big thing for me. I feel positive about returning to full time work, I enjoy my job and the company I work for are really, really good employers. Don't get me wrong, I feel sad that I'll see a little less of Alfie but needs must and all that. I need to work for me, I want to DO something with my life. I was never allowed to go to college or university because my mum couldn't afford to "keep" me; so at the tender age of 16 I got myself a full time admin job. If I'd have had the choice, I would have gone to university to study English Literature or some kind of science. Hey ho, what can you do?!
I'm hoping that in a couple of years time, I can progress to the next level of my job. I've already started to learn bits and bobs of the job, mainly to be able to help more at busy times and when my colleagues are off for whatever reason. I was a little upset to find out I'm not supposed to be learning some key things because my boss doesn't want me doing CSE duties when I don't get paid for it. I completely understand where she's coming from but I think I could at least be taught these things and told not to put them into practice unless I'm covering or whatever. I don't know I just hate being held back - not that I'm purposely being held back or anything because I'm not. I really ought to be telling this to my boss but I just don't have the bottle - I don't want to get knocked back like I did in my previous job.
I'll see how it goes until June and then ask for a review or something. I've started to compile a list of things I want to learn...I can't see me getting a negative reaction, I mean I'm showing willing and enthusiasm that's gotta count for something, right?
Thursday, 19 April 2012
Friday, 13 April 2012
Party Planner
I reckon I must be mad; I'm throwing Alfie a party for his 1st birthday. We originally decided the guest list and party would be extremely low key but it has some how gradually expanded! Not only do I now have to think about feeding the guests, I also need to entertain them - especially the little ones (nieces, nephews and close friends children) I've told everyone I'm making the cake too. I must be a bloody idiot.
My friend Jayne of Pink Sweetheart is making the invitations which are to be super special - please take a look at her Folksy shop. The party is having a "Hungry Caterpillar" theme because I love the book and I think it's a really easy, fun and colourful theme to go with. I've even got a dedicated Pinterest board - Party Ideas! I think I'm secretly liking the organisation of it all and to be fair I'm really, really excited about my boys first birthday and I want to make it memorable. He may not remember any of it but at least we can show him the photographs and bits and bobs that we keep from the day that show him what a lovely day he's had.
The cake is my main concern - I have only ever baked ONE cake and only ever decorated THREE so this is a real challenge. Both my mother in law and sister in law are cake experts - it's their "business" if you like and both of them want part in making it for him but I have decided I want to do it myself. I want to learn the art of cake decorating and I want to be able to tell Alfie in years to come that mummy made his birthday cakes. Any tips from brilliant cake experts welcome!
There. A much more cheerful post ready for the weekend.
Enjoy x
My friend Jayne of Pink Sweetheart is making the invitations which are to be super special - please take a look at her Folksy shop. The party is having a "Hungry Caterpillar" theme because I love the book and I think it's a really easy, fun and colourful theme to go with. I've even got a dedicated Pinterest board - Party Ideas! I think I'm secretly liking the organisation of it all and to be fair I'm really, really excited about my boys first birthday and I want to make it memorable. He may not remember any of it but at least we can show him the photographs and bits and bobs that we keep from the day that show him what a lovely day he's had.
The cake is my main concern - I have only ever baked ONE cake and only ever decorated THREE so this is a real challenge. Both my mother in law and sister in law are cake experts - it's their "business" if you like and both of them want part in making it for him but I have decided I want to do it myself. I want to learn the art of cake decorating and I want to be able to tell Alfie in years to come that mummy made his birthday cakes. Any tips from brilliant cake experts welcome!
There. A much more cheerful post ready for the weekend.
Enjoy x
Thursday, 12 April 2012
What a day.
I'm sat here writing this on the blogger app whilst I feed Alfie his bedtime bottle. Not a great thing to be doing during the bedtime "routine". I should be reading a story or singing him a song; interacting with him in some way. No wonder he doesn't like me. Yes, you read correctly; my 10 and a half month old doesn't like me or at least it doesn't feel like he does. I'm not sure where I've gone wrong with it all.
Alfie has always been a "high demand" baby but it's becoming apparent that it's just around me. Take today for example: I have had him all day because it's my day off work and hubby is at work. Alfie has refused breakfast, lunch and now dinner from me and it's not the first time either. He cries regardless of my actions, I tried playing with him this morning but he just cried more. I picked him up for a cuddle he fought me and cried some more. I offered him milk, his favourite snacks and a drink but the tears just continued. I changed his bum just in case it was that bothering him which made him cry harder (hates getting dressed and his bum changing). I sang to him, I shushed him and still there were tears. Hubby came down and all of a sudden the tears disappeared. It's not the first time it's happened like that either. He even prefers my friends over me, going to them for cuddles and to play and he just ignores me unless I have something he wants.
I mean if that isn't enough of a hint that he doesn't like me, I don't know what is. I've sat and thought about it before. Today has been one of those days where Alfie hasn't been very happy at all and I can't help but think its my fault. I've googled "my baby doesn't like me" but the answers on the forums are just airy fairy "oh it's not you they can sense your stress" or "maybe he's just tired." BLAH BLAH BLAH... Fuck off.
I love my son more than I can possibly say. He is my entire world so you can imagine I feel pretty shitty about the whole situation. I don't know what else to do but it's clear what I'm doing now isn't good enough.
Alfie has always been a "high demand" baby but it's becoming apparent that it's just around me. Take today for example: I have had him all day because it's my day off work and hubby is at work. Alfie has refused breakfast, lunch and now dinner from me and it's not the first time either. He cries regardless of my actions, I tried playing with him this morning but he just cried more. I picked him up for a cuddle he fought me and cried some more. I offered him milk, his favourite snacks and a drink but the tears just continued. I changed his bum just in case it was that bothering him which made him cry harder (hates getting dressed and his bum changing). I sang to him, I shushed him and still there were tears. Hubby came down and all of a sudden the tears disappeared. It's not the first time it's happened like that either. He even prefers my friends over me, going to them for cuddles and to play and he just ignores me unless I have something he wants.
I mean if that isn't enough of a hint that he doesn't like me, I don't know what is. I've sat and thought about it before. Today has been one of those days where Alfie hasn't been very happy at all and I can't help but think its my fault. I've googled "my baby doesn't like me" but the answers on the forums are just airy fairy "oh it's not you they can sense your stress" or "maybe he's just tired." BLAH BLAH BLAH... Fuck off.
I love my son more than I can possibly say. He is my entire world so you can imagine I feel pretty shitty about the whole situation. I don't know what else to do but it's clear what I'm doing now isn't good enough.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Long time no see...
I've just had a good old chin wag with Siri...he's not that friendly though and to be honest I think he's a bit of a snob. Can't you tell I'm home alone tonight?! Hubby is on nights. I've been toying with the idea for starting to blog again but I know in a few weeks, maybe months time I'll give it up as a bad job but for now, it'll have to do. I need somewhere to vent and having no one to talk to means I'm aiming it onto my screen. Again. I'm sorry for being so fickle blogger, it's just how I roll please don't take offence.
See? Not even a paragraph in and I feel like I have no mojo. What the fuck is all that about? I always think about things and they sound good but as soon as it comes to getting them out they sound stupid and my brain turns to mush. I hear thats a side effect of having a baby. On the subject of babies, I'd like to point out that at this moment in time my perfect, wonderful little boy is sleeping soundly in his cot *touches wood* and at the moment he is the only thing that makes sense in this crazy ol' world. O.K. maybe not the only thing; chocolate, that makes sense too!
I've deleted a load of posts that meant fuck all. The main ones that I want to keep are about my journey with Alfie and being a mum and a family. This time around, I'm going to try and blog about things that matter, none of this A-Z, 30 days 30 posts jazz - don't get me wrong I love reading them but writing them is a complete ball ache and I never get to the end of them! I will probably take part in #SilentSunday and the such like though because they're easy and nice and quick. We like quick.
I'm bucking up the courage already to write my next post, it'll be close to the heart and so close to home it's in my bed. I'm bracing myself for how I'm going to word it, will I be 100% honest and just bare all or will I keep the most important details to myself and end up bottling things up? Probably the latter if I know myself, which I'd like to think I do. I hope this time around on the old blog I can open up for real and say it as it is. A brick's a brick, a spade's a spade and all that jazz. And if I've nowt honest and real to say then I'll just keep my kite (Barnsley slang for face/mouth) shut.
So...here I am. Again. Lets hope it works out this time. I really think I need it to.
LAST MINUTE EDIT: Oh and one more thing - no scheduling posts this time around. I'm not important or busy enough to schedule posts and quite frankly...the post loses momentum the day it's eventually posted and I'm already onto the next drama. So yeah. Give up with being organised because it's just not how I roll.
See? Not even a paragraph in and I feel like I have no mojo. What the fuck is all that about? I always think about things and they sound good but as soon as it comes to getting them out they sound stupid and my brain turns to mush. I hear thats a side effect of having a baby. On the subject of babies, I'd like to point out that at this moment in time my perfect, wonderful little boy is sleeping soundly in his cot *touches wood* and at the moment he is the only thing that makes sense in this crazy ol' world. O.K. maybe not the only thing; chocolate, that makes sense too!
I've deleted a load of posts that meant fuck all. The main ones that I want to keep are about my journey with Alfie and being a mum and a family. This time around, I'm going to try and blog about things that matter, none of this A-Z, 30 days 30 posts jazz - don't get me wrong I love reading them but writing them is a complete ball ache and I never get to the end of them! I will probably take part in #SilentSunday and the such like though because they're easy and nice and quick. We like quick.
I'm bucking up the courage already to write my next post, it'll be close to the heart and so close to home it's in my bed. I'm bracing myself for how I'm going to word it, will I be 100% honest and just bare all or will I keep the most important details to myself and end up bottling things up? Probably the latter if I know myself, which I'd like to think I do. I hope this time around on the old blog I can open up for real and say it as it is. A brick's a brick, a spade's a spade and all that jazz. And if I've nowt honest and real to say then I'll just keep my kite (Barnsley slang for face/mouth) shut.
So...here I am. Again. Lets hope it works out this time. I really think I need it to.
LAST MINUTE EDIT: Oh and one more thing - no scheduling posts this time around. I'm not important or busy enough to schedule posts and quite frankly...the post loses momentum the day it's eventually posted and I'm already onto the next drama. So yeah. Give up with being organised because it's just not how I roll.
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