Pregnant? Already?

How soon is too soon to have another baby?  Is it selfish to have another baby so soon after the birth of your youngest/first born?  What factors will you consider before having another child?  These are all questions I have asked myself and if I’m honest I don’t have the answers.  A girl I know [not a friend, an acquaintance] had her baby girl March this year and is already 24 weeks pregnant expecting her second, is that too soon?  I don’t think they own a telly in their house.  My friend who had her son in April is already planning for her second baby within the next 12 months.  Yet another friend is waiting until her little one is out of nappies before she plans her second baby.  Everyone is different and circumstances count for a lot but when it comes down to it, is it personal preference, ignorance or a little bit of both?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, discussing it on forums and talking to friends about it.  Everyone has their own opinion, some think it’s selfish to have one before the baby is at school age and some think it’s better to have children with ages closer together.  When I made the decision a few weeks ago that I’d like to have more children I never thought about when we would try I just decided that I wanted more.  Alfie is 3 months old and such a demanding baby as a first time mum I’m learning every day and making plenty of mistakes on the way.  Will it be different when baby no2 comes along?  Probably not because every baby is different it’s a person at the end of the day, just a lot smaller [and cuter].  And about that, baby no2 – I don’t like that saying.  To me, it sounds as if the second baby is second in everything and it’s not – it just arrives second that’s all.  A girl I know calls her girls princess no1 and princess no2…pretty sure that may cause upset when they’re older.  I’d have to think of another nick name…Alfie was Baby Lewis so we couldn’t use that but I certainly won’t be using baby no2 or anything of the sort.  It will be my second baby but by no means second in any other way.

I often sit and gaze at Alfie whilst he’s sleeping, playing or having cuddles with hubby and I and thought to myself how much I love him.  There’s nothing quite like a mothers love for her baby, something you can’t fully understand until you become a mother.  I love him more than anyone and anything.  That’s just it though…I love him more than anyone; does that mean I’ll love him more than our next bubba?  Will I show favouritism because Alfie was my first born or will Alfie get less of my attention because bubba is my “baby” – the youngest of the family?  In my family my brother who is the eldest gets away with murder with my mother, as does my little sister.  Me and my older sister are the “middle” children and don’t have that kind of relationship with my mum.  Is the first born, last born thing real?  I can’t imagine loving anyone as much as I love Alfie but then I guess a mothers’ love for her children is limitless and knows no bounds, right?  Right.

Oh and if you were wondering, I’m not pregnant…

The Donkey...

Before I start my post, I would like to congratulate my friend Nikki & her fiancé James on the safe arrival of their baby girl Hannah Mae, who was born early this evening.  Nikki, welcome to motherhood – it’s hard, it’s tiring but bloody hell it’s worth it!

The moment a child is born,
the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.

Now to start with the “bumf” of my post…it’s all about the Donkey!  The Bugaboo Donkey that is…



The Bugaboo Donkey



Isn’t it amazing?!  My friend posted a link about the new, £1200 pram and I just had to read on!  It was an article in a well-known newspaper, asking the question, “Would you spend £1200 on a pram?”… My answer is YES!  I know, I know I must be stark raving mad to even consider the idea of spending that amount of money on a pram – especially as we already have two this and this but as soon as I saw it I think I fell in love.  Normally, I’m not one for designer prams as you can probably tell from our current two, I bought ours on practicality and cost.

The new Bugaboo Donkey, coming in at a whopping £1,200 [yes you read it right the first and second time] is the most expensive pram currently on the market [so I’m lead to believe after reading newspaper article]. 

The Bugaboo Donkey has been designed to meet two key parental needs: increased storage space and the option to convert from a mono to a side by side duo stroller for parents with two young children or twins – Kiddisave

I know what you’re thinking…I don’t have twins or two young children.  Correct, I don’t at present but who knows what the future holds [hubby is now aware that I want another baby and hasn’t run a mile…YET]  The Donkey, as you can see from the pictures can be used as a “mono” pram with the basket at the side for storage, this in my opinion is a fantastic idea.  I love the idea of not having to shove my shopping behind the pram hood or struggle with a basket if I’m shopping alone.  It also means that I would have the things I/Alfie needs to hand without having to root through the changing bag and/or my pockets.  OK so it sounds like I’m making excuses and maybe I am but just look at the pram…it’s like a work of art!  Never before did I think I’d get so emotional over baby paraphernalia however this is different it is very practical in my eyes albeit slightly expensive!

I have told hubby he must work lots of overtime as I need want this pram for Alfie and any future babies we may have.  He hasn’t dismissed the idea but that may be because he thinks I’m joking – I’m not by the way.  He has however jokingly said we’d better get practicing for baby no.2 if I want this pram!  I’ve told him we have our baby now [who very much NEEDS this pram] however baby no.2 will appreciate it just as much when we are ready for her/him.  Obviously not yet, we want to enjoy Alfie first before either of us will be ready for another.  Like I said though, the pram can be used in mono mode until no.2 does finally come along!  What do you think?  Would you spend £1200 on a pram?  Am I crackers for even considering the idea?  Whatever your opinion, I bet you can’t help ogling the Bugaboo Donkey as I have…

Health Visitors

Before I was even pregnant I’d heard horror stories about health visitors, my mum had problems with them, my sister did and many friends had so when I had my first visit from one when I was pregnant needless to say I wasn’t looking forward to it.  The woman who came introduced herself, told me what the health visitors were for and then proceeded to talk about herself for the rest of the 30 minutes she was at my house.  I was pregnant with Alfie and explained to her that we were expecting him early as the consultants, doctors and midwives had all told us.  The woman told me basically not to leave the house until Alfie was born.  Not a great introduction.


When Alfie was born, we obviously had our first visit from the health visitor the week after.  I was expecting the old, panicky woman but the woman that came to my house was young and not panicky; she introduced herself as Nicola.  The first thing Nicola asked me was how was I feeling – not about Alfie, or how I was finding breastfeeding, motherhood or anything else…just me.  I told her that aside from the pain I was excited and thrilled to be a new mummy albeit a little exhausted.  She checked Alfie over weighing him and what not and kept commenting on how beautiful he is.  Now she probably says that to all the mums but the tone of her voice was genuine.  Nicola stayed a while to discuss what would happen next with her and where/how I went about getting Alfie weighed and if I had any problems.  We hit it off straight away.

Over the following weeks because of Alfie’s illnesses I was in touch with Nicola on a regular basis.  I often had friends commenting that I should tell Nicola “what she wanted to hear” and she’d leave us alone.  I didn’t feel that way at all.  I could tell Nicola a concern or worry and she would offer advice, support and more importantly a friendly ear to listen to me.  Twice when Nicola visited, I had my niece here and the second time Nicola remembered her name and that she liked to draw bees.  I was so impressed that she’d remembered her name, it showed to me she listened and we weren’t just another “case” for her.

Re starting breastfeeding was extremely difficult and even now we have a few problems from time to time but Nicola not only gave me fantastic advice she also put me in touch with my fabulous breastfeeding link worker.  Every time Nicola calls me, she always asks how we are finding breastfeeding and if I feel I have enough support – she always offers more if I need it.

Nicola has advised me that due to Alfie being such a big and hungry baby we may need to wean him earlier than 6 months [16-20weeks] but that she would follow our lead and I obviously would follow Alfie’s.  Alfie’s weight gain has been quite rapid and I’ve often had hurtful remarks from friends/family/health professionals about this but all the way through Nicola has told me she isn’t concerned about his weight.  Yes he puts weight on fast but he also suffers with severe reflux and other things so for him to put weight on is brilliant.  I worry I’m doing a bad job sometimes when people comment on his size and wonder what I’m doing wrong but every single time I have seen or spoken to Nicola she has reassured me that Alfie is healthy, happy and I’m doing a good job.  She often tells me I’m a fantastic mummy and Alfie is lucky to have me.  I know they aren’t just words and that she genuinely means it.

Last week we had Alfie weighed and he weighed 19lb 8oz – the health visitor at the health centre [not Nicola or the health team we are under] told me Alfie was obese.  Obviously my heart broke.  She asked questions about his intake and other things – we explained the situation with the hospital and she said she understood but that she would need to talk to Nicola.  At that point I understood exactly what others meant about their unsupportive, negative health visitors.  She offered no advice, no support; no kind words just the harsh fact that my baby is fat.  What a vile thing to say. 

Today I called Nicola quite upset and explained to her about our bad experience with the other health visiting team.  She asked what I was feeding Alfie, how often, what he weighed (19lb 13oz as of 31.08.11) and said she would look over his notes and call me back.  Nicola called me back within ten minutes and apologised for the way I had been upset.  She told me that Alfie was being fed exactly as he should be and that she was not in any way concerned about his weight gain and had she been – she would have called me herself before now.  I was reassured and told not to worry – I am doing a brilliant job.  She explained that whilst Alfie’s weight gain is slightly off the centile he was always going to be a big baby and soon enough his weight gain will even out when he is more mobile.  Talking to Nicola made me feel better and more confident in my parenting skills.

She’s asked that we go along to clinic where our health team is based in future to avoid upset from the wicked woman from Worsbrough [do you like my alliteration???].  We went to Worsbrough because it is usually a lot less busy but I think I’ll put up with a busy clinic if it means we are seen by sensitive, caring and understanding health visitors.  The first time we had Alfie weighed at clinic– he had gone up a centile and Andy [the man who weighed him] said it was brilliant!  He said babies shouldn’t be skinny little things and that we were doing a fantastic job.  The whole health visiting team have been supportive every time I’ve needed advice or to advise them of Alfie’s hospital treatment if Nicola hasn’t been available.

I have never once been upset or annoyed at anything Nicola has said to me – quite the opposite in fact.  After every visit or phone call I feel pleased with myself that I’m doing a good job and you know what they say, a happy mummy means a happy baby.  I know some women choose not to have any unnecessary contact with their health visitors and only bother with them on the “routine check-ups” but for us we are lucky in that we WANT to have contact with our health visitor because of all the non-judgemental support and advice she has given us not to mention she is a friendly face and voice.  I know if I ever struggle with Alfie, I can call her and she will listen to me, offer advice, support me in any way I need and reassure me.  That is in my eyes how a health visitor should be – they should LISTEN to the mother because no one knows her baby more than her.  If you don’t get on with your health visitor, my advice would be to ask to swap because from my experience you get good ones and bad ones and you don’t have to put up with a bad one or one you don’t get on with. 

Migraines & Breastfeeding

Before I got pregnant with Alfie, I suffered with migraines on a regular basis [at least 3 a month] and had done for a long, long time.  Just before I met my hubby, I was advised by a doctor to stop using oral contraception because the risk of stroke is higher in women who suffer with migraines and take oral contraceptives.  I had previously been on the Depo Provera injection contraceptive but it’s only advised to be on that a couple of years as it can increase risk of brittle bone disease if taken continuously for longer [you can have a break and then start back on it].  My migraines were often debilitating to the point of forcing me into our darkened bedroom, in bed often in tears.  I remember one day I had a migraine that started at work, I persevered through the day but by the time I got home the whole left hand side of my face and upper body felt numb and the pain was unbearable.  I went straight to bed and ended up staying there for 3 days.  Once a migraine has worn off, I am extremely exhausted and as one is starting, I feel very ill.  I wouldn’t wish migraines on anyone.

Migraines can either become worse or disappear during pregnancy and I was extremely lucky in that mine had disappeared pretty much straight away.  I’m glad they did because with everything else I went through during pregnancy, I don’t know if I’d have coped with migraines too!  Pretty much the day after I gave birth, I had a migraine.  I put this down to tiredness and the huge stress I had just put my body through.  I’ve had a couple of minor migraines since then, bad enough to stop me what I’m doing but not enough to force me to bed, thankfully.  Saturday I woke up with migraine and I felt sick and weak, I put it down to being so tired [I’d had a bad night with Alfie and hubby was on the day shift so I had to get up with Alfie].  After giving Alfie his morning feed, I put him down for a nap and I joined him.  I woke up from my nap feeling no better, I drank plenty and made sure I had food – I know only too well how dehydration and lack of food can make migraines worse.  Our day pretty much consisted of: feed – play – sleep, all day until Alfie’s bath and bed time.

Hubby came home from his double shift and we ordered a pizza.  Something I had promised myself we wouldn’t do this month but my migraine had me sofa ridden and with hubby working the double shift, it hardly seemed fair to ask him to cook.  We ate and were in bed for before 10pm.  I took some painkillers and I still struggled to get to sleep even with a hot water bottle and cold cloth for the pain [alternating heat/cold can help ease migraines].  Obviously it was dark because it was night time but even the landing light was hurting my eyes so hubby closed the bedroom door further [not completely shut, I’m not a fan of the dark you see…].  Alfie woke for feeding and it was my turn to sort him out first, I cuddled and fed him but the whole time my migraine was killing me.  Alfie went straight back to sleep and I was hoping I could too but it wasn’t meant to be.  I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, my migraine was stopping me from sleeping.  Alfie woke again early hours in the morning and hubby took his “turn”.  I got us both a drink and me some more painkillers tried to fall back to sleep but I was still awake when hubby had finished feeding Alfie.  I eventually fell to sleep at some point and when Alfie woke up at 6, hubby got up with him and took him downstairs to let me get some much needed rest.  I woke at 8am feeling exhausted and sick. 

By 9am although I still didn’t feel fantastic, the migraine was on its way out at last!  It had lasted a whole day and made me feel like shit for the privilege.  Sunday meant I was too exhausted to do anything other than play with Alfie and watch T.V.  the housework suffered dramatically at the weekend so I’m behind this week which is stressing me out.  I’m booking an appointment with the doctor because I don’t want to get to the point where I have regular migraines lasting more than a day.  The only problem with this is, the medication prescribed to help prevent migraines or the painkillers to ease migraines aren’t safe to use during breastfeeding to what I know of.  I’m in a catch 22 situation: I don’t take the medication and my quality of life suffers on the days I have migraine and consequently so does Alfie’s.  I take the medication and I have to completely stop breastfeeding and stick to formula feeding [we mix feed at the moment].  These are concerns I’ll discuss with the doctor but until then, I’ll cope with the migraines on paracetamol and lots of fluid.

Happy 3 Months Little Man

Yesterday was Tuesday but not only that it was the 30^th of August.  Do you know what that means?  It means my gorgeous little boy is 3 months old.  Oh how the 3 months have flown.  Here’s a little letter to my gorgeous boy:

Dear Alfie,

Yesterday you were 3 months old yet it seems like only yesterday that you were born.  You’re getting so big now; you weighed 19lb 8oz at your last weigh in!  You’re a little smiler most of the time and even wake up with a big grin on your face.  You really love to play pat-a-cake and you love to hear me sing “The Grand Old Duke of York” to you while I bounce you on my knee; it’s your favourite song! 

You still love bath time and you love to do big splashes and get mummy and daddy wet through.  You’re in your big boy cot now and it’s attached to mummy’s side of the bed because you love to sleep with us and we love to have you close to us.  You’re getting better at going in the car seat, you don’t cry all the time anymore – just sometimes.  You’ve visited a lot of places since you were born and I have started to sort out your memory box, baby book and scrap book.  We still take photographs of you every day because you’re growing up so fast. 

You have your Welcome to the World party next month and we are all excited about it, I have been planning it all month.  You’ve been poorly again this month you had a virus and a high temperature but you were much better after lots of cuddles from mummy and some yummy calpol medicine.

We love you oh so very much little boy, as each day passes we love you more and more.  You are our world and we are so happy you are our very beautiful baby boy.  Happy 3 months little man!

Lots of love, cuddles & kisses

Mummy & Daddy

Top Ten Tuesday - Before Baby Arrives

Following on from last week with my Top Ten Tuesday – BabyBuys, this week I have decided to concentrate on ten things to do whilst you’re pregnant/ before baby comes.  These are the things that I did/ wish I'd done before Alfie came:

1.       Date nights and dinners with friends.  A few hours before my waters broke, I was sat in a pub restaurant having lunch with my husband – we went out at least 3 times a week, if you can’t afford to go out a DVD and a cheeky pizza is just as good.  This is what we were doing the very moment my waters broke!  We also had lots of dinner plans with friends, we went for dinner and to see a movie on my due date!

2.       Soak in the bath for HOURS.  If you’re like me and you love a good soak in the bath, get them in while you can because they will be few and far between these luscious soaks in the tub!  You get to have time to bathe when you have a baby but usually it’s short or with baby.

3.       Buy yourself something nice – not something you need, it has to be something you WANT that isn’t baby or pregnancy related.  It will be a long time before you treat yourself after baby arrives, you’ll find your clothes interest shifts to baby clothes etc!

4.       Read a book if you love to read because when baby is here, you’ll spend your spare time doing everything you don’t enjoy.  If you’re not a book worm, watch a few DVD’s get your feet up and enjoy a good weepy, apparently good for bringing on labour (old wives tale!)

5.       Dress up.  I’m not talking fancy dress, although if that’s what floats your boat do it!  I wanted to be heavily pregnant at Halloween so I could paint my bump up as a pumpkin!  Seriously though, go out and get dolled up because for the next few months and even years your clothes will be covered in baby sick/poo/wee/milk/food/spit.  Dressing up also makes you feel good about yourself so do it yummy mummy J

6.       Pregnancy massage – I can’t recommend this enough!  Whether you suffer with a bad back or not it’s fabulous for helping you to relax.  Pregnancy massage is safe from 12weeks + by a trained professional – some essential oils aren’t suitable during pregnancy but if you go to a reputable beauty spa that offers pre/post natal massage they will advise accordingly.

7.       Cook meals and freeze them in advance – I wish I’d taken this advice myself because for the first few weeks of Alfie’s life we lived on takeaways, not great especially if you’re breastfeeding.  Make up big batches of meals that can be frozen and it’s a life saver for a quick meal because you need to keep your strength up mummy!

8.       Have a heart to heart with your partner.  Pregnancy can be stressful on relationships but having a new baby to look after can put even more strain on a relationship.  Work out how you plan on getting time together, tell each other how you feel, let each other know that if things get tough you’re going through it together.  This was a life saver for me and my hubby as I knew I’d be irate at times if I was tired.

9.       Have a baby shower/ get together with friends baby related – I wish I’d done this because it’s something nice for you to enjoy with friends before baby comes that gets you and them even more excited for your new arrival.  Friends can often become a little distant after you have a baby especially if they don’t have them themselves because they can’t relate/you don’t have time etc…spending time with friends now especially at a baby shower helps them realise they are still important to you and your baby.  It also helps friends feel involved.

10.   Blog it!  Do it how I have or in a personal diary but either way I really recommend blogging from pregnancy.  Writing things down helps you work your thoughts out, it helps you get things off your chest and it records all those magical and not so magical moments for you to tell baby when he/she is here.  I also started a personal diary for Alfie that’s handwritten.

Date Night

Thursday was our very first date night since having Alfie and the very first time I have left him.  We made the decision last week to have a date night this week as we wanted to see the Inbetweeners film.  I asked my friend, Batman (obviously her real name is Robyn…) to babysit for us as she’s looked after her nephew and niece from being tiny baby’s and I trust her completely.  She couldn’t wait to babysit, I on the other hand was slightly apprehensive about the whole thing.

I spent Thursday day time with Alfie close to me all day, knowing that later on I had to leave him with someone else.  We went out for a coffee with my sister, niece, sister in law and nephew while hubby was at work.  When hubby came home, we went shopping to buy Alfie some new vests and a couple of outfits (he’s growing too fast!).  I bought myself a red hair colour too but that’s another story.  Alfie and I spent the afternoon playing and while he napped I cleaned and then he’d eat and play some more.  I told Batman that hubby would pick her up at 7:30 and I would have Alfie all sorted by this time.  I had a plan.

At 6:00pm I bathed Alfie and then fed him and at 7:00pm he was ready for bed.  I stayed with him until he fell asleep.  If he’d have woken up I don’t think I could have left the house.  He was sound asleep by the time we left at 8:00pm.  I gave Batman a run-down of instructions should he wake/get upset/if she needed us.  She had no credit on her mobile so she wouldn’t be able to text me, I told her she should use our landline to call me if she needed me.  So we were off, after checking on Alfie again.  We arrived at the cinema and parking as usual was a nightmare!  Part of me hoped we’d not get parked and have to go home.  I was missing my baby.  We got parked and went into the cinema.  It was packed.

The film, as I expected was hilarious and I laughed a lot although Alfie was in the back of my mind the whole time.  I couldn’t completely relax.  I checked my phone signal constantly just in case Batman was trying to reach me for whatever reason.  Each time I checked, my phone signal was full and there were no signs of Batman needing or wanting to contact me.  It was lovely to have some time alone with hubby although because we were at the cinema we didn’t really talk apart from the car journey there and back.  I think the next time we have a date night we’re going to possibly go for drinks with friends for an hour that way we can talk and have fun together.  When the film finished I was the first person out of my seat and out of screen 8.  Alan took the long way home which I questioned.  I think he was trying to test me.  All I wanted to do was go home.

We got home and I went straight upstairs to check on Alfie.  He was sound asleep, snoring lightly.  Beautiful.  I came downstairs and talked to Batman to see how he’d been.  The ignorant neighbours had been doing DIY in their house and woke him up a couple of times but aside from that, he’d been as good as gold.  He didn’t even notice I wasn’t there.  I wasn’t sure if I was happy about this or not.  I’m still not sure today.  I had a catch up with Batman before hubby took her home at 11:30pm.  When hubby got home we went to up to bed because we were up early Friday morning and quite frankly, I just wanted to be close to my baby.

So, I managed to leave Alfie.  Was it easy? Hell no!  Do I want to do it again? Eventually.  Will it be any time soon? Probably not.  I think on hubby’s next day off from work, we’ll have a lovely family day out and then when Alfie is in bed we’ll have a lovely dinner at the table together where we can catch up and spend some time together that doesn’t involve the tele, laptop or our phones [best make sure it’s not a soap night then!]