When Alfie was born, we obviously had our first visit from the health visitor the week after. I was expecting the old, panicky woman but the woman that came to my house was young and not panicky; she introduced herself as Nicola. The first thing Nicola asked me was how was I feeling – not about Alfie, or how I was finding breastfeeding, motherhood or anything else…just me. I told her that aside from the pain I was excited and thrilled to be a new mummy albeit a little exhausted. She checked Alfie over weighing him and what not and kept commenting on how beautiful he is. Now she probably says that to all the mums but the tone of her voice was genuine. Nicola stayed a while to discuss what would happen next with her and where/how I went about getting Alfie weighed and if I had any problems. We hit it off straight away.
Over the following weeks because of Alfie’s illnesses I was in touch with Nicola on a regular basis. I often had friends commenting that I should tell Nicola “what she wanted to hear” and she’d leave us alone. I didn’t feel that way at all. I could tell Nicola a concern or worry and she would offer advice, support and more importantly a friendly ear to listen to me. Twice when Nicola visited, I had my niece here and the second time Nicola remembered her name and that she liked to draw bees. I was so impressed that she’d remembered her name, it showed to me she listened and we weren’t just another “case” for her.
Re starting breastfeeding was extremely difficult and even now we have a few problems from time to time but Nicola not only gave me fantastic advice she also put me in touch with my fabulous breastfeeding link worker. Every time Nicola calls me, she always asks how we are finding breastfeeding and if I feel I have enough support – she always offers more if I need it.
Nicola has advised me that due to Alfie being such a big and hungry baby we may need to wean him earlier than 6 months [16-20weeks] but that she would follow our lead and I obviously would follow Alfie’s. Alfie’s weight gain has been quite rapid and I’ve often had hurtful remarks from friends/family/health professionals about this but all the way through Nicola has told me she isn’t concerned about his weight. Yes he puts weight on fast but he also suffers with severe reflux and other things so for him to put weight on is brilliant. I worry I’m doing a bad job sometimes when people comment on his size and wonder what I’m doing wrong but every single time I have seen or spoken to Nicola she has reassured me that Alfie is healthy, happy and I’m doing a good job. She often tells me I’m a fantastic mummy and Alfie is lucky to have me. I know they aren’t just words and that she genuinely means it.
Last week we had Alfie weighed and he weighed 19lb 8oz – the health visitor at the health centre [not Nicola or the health team we are under] told me Alfie was obese. Obviously my heart broke. She asked questions about his intake and other things – we explained the situation with the hospital and she said she understood but that she would need to talk to Nicola. At that point I understood exactly what others meant about their unsupportive, negative health visitors. She offered no advice, no support; no kind words just the harsh fact that my baby is fat. What a vile thing to say.
Today I called Nicola quite upset and explained to her about our bad experience with the other health visiting team. She asked what I was feeding Alfie, how often, what he weighed (19lb 13oz as of 31.08.11) and said she would look over his notes and call me back. Nicola called me back within ten minutes and apologised for the way I had been upset. She told me that Alfie was being fed exactly as he should be and that she was not in any way concerned about his weight gain and had she been – she would have called me herself before now. I was reassured and told not to worry – I am doing a brilliant job. She explained that whilst Alfie’s weight gain is slightly off the centile he was always going to be a big baby and soon enough his weight gain will even out when he is more mobile. Talking to Nicola made me feel better and more confident in my parenting skills.
She’s asked that we go along to clinic where our health team is based in future to avoid upset from the wicked woman from Worsbrough [do you like my alliteration???]. We went to Worsbrough because it is usually a lot less busy but I think I’ll put up with a busy clinic if it means we are seen by sensitive, caring and understanding health visitors. The first time we had Alfie weighed at clinic– he had gone up a centile and Andy [the man who weighed him] said it was brilliant! He said babies shouldn’t be skinny little things and that we were doing a fantastic job. The whole health visiting team have been supportive every time I’ve needed advice or to advise them of Alfie’s hospital treatment if Nicola hasn’t been available.
I have never once been upset or annoyed at anything Nicola has said to me – quite the opposite in fact. After every visit or phone call I feel pleased with myself that I’m doing a good job and you know what they say, a happy mummy means a happy baby. I know some women choose not to have any unnecessary contact with their health visitors and only bother with them on the “routine check-ups” but for us we are lucky in that we WANT to have contact with our health visitor because of all the non-judgemental support and advice she has given us not to mention she is a friendly face and voice. I know if I ever struggle with Alfie, I can call her and she will listen to me, offer advice, support me in any way I need and reassure me. That is in my eyes how a health visitor should be – they should LISTEN to the mother because no one knows her baby more than her. If you don’t get on with your health visitor, my advice would be to ask to swap because from my experience you get good ones and bad ones and you don’t have to put up with a bad one or one you don’t get on with.
