Alfie's Welcome to the World Party

Before Alfie was born we had already decided that we didn’t want to have him christened considering neither of us are in any way religious.  I didn’t want to hold a naming ceremony either because it just seemed too formal.  I still wanted to have a party or gathering of some kind and so came up with the idea of a Welcome to the World party.  It had everything I wanted out of a celebration, friends, family and a big hoo har all about Alfie.

Alfie’s Welcome to the World party was Sunday 25^th September and although it was a simple, no fuss party I still put a lot of thought into the whole occasion.  Friday, we went and bought Alfie’s outfit from Mammas and Pappas and went to Hobby Craft to get a few bits for me to make his memory scrap book.  Saturday, we had to exchange the outfit we bought because it had been on the wrong size hanger so we’d bought the wrong size!  I’d had my dress for well over a month – a very expensive French Connection dress – I don’t normally spend a lot on clothes but I fell in love with this dress and the occasion called for something special.  Alan, much to his disgust wore a shirt and trousers (he’s more of a shorts and t-shit man)

First thing on Sunday morning we picked Alan’s younger sister up and went through to his nan’s.  She’s been in and out of hospital and on deaths door for years bless her, she’s only recently come out of hospital after yet another massive heart attack – she’s a strong old bird bless her.  Sunday was the first time she’d ever met Alfie and she’d saved up all her energy and barely spoke for two days just so she would have the energy to talk to him.  Luckily Alfie was on his best behaviour and he smiled and laughed in all the right places – Rita [Alan’s nan] was besotted with Alfie and completely over the moon she finally got to meet him.  She wasn’t well enough to come to the party but had bought a card and put in some money, bless her.  She kept telling me how beautiful Alfie is and that he’s a credit to me and that I’m a really good mum.  This coming from a woman with 9 children, made my day.

When we got home, the race was on to make sure all three of us were ready to leave the house for 1:30PM as the party started at 2.  I finished the pages of Alfie’s memory/scrap book we were taking with us and spruced myself up best I could.  Then Alan got ready – changed and a bit of aftershave and he was done!  That left Alfie – the real challenge!  Changing a sleeping baby is no fun at the best of times but especially when you’re in a rush.  We had to change him at the last minute because of how sick he is – he’d ruin his Mamas and Papas outfit and I just wasn’t cool with that, not until everyone had seen him in it anyway!  We were ready and headed off to the party! 

Mummy & Alfie

Daddy & Alfie

Our guests arrived slowly but surely and Alan was the perfect host with Alfie while I did a few last minute “bits”.  In Alfie’s memory book I had the idea of doing his handprint and then having everyone else leave their fingerprint and sign their names underneath – better than a guestbook or just a load of signatures on a page I thought.  I was really unsure people would take part I mean some people are a little OCD about mess [my mum] and inky fingers although I left baby wipes may not have been cool for some people.  I was so pleased at the end of the day that everyone, including my mum had left their print!  The finished product looks beautiful – I’m thinking of getting it framed rather than leaving it in a book!

Alfie's fingerprint guestbook

Alfie was so well behaved despite being tired and he actually went to sleep even with all the hustle and bustle around him!  The food seemed to be a hit with the guests and the cake was an even bigger hit!  I ordered the cake over a month ago and the only stipulation I gave Abbie was that I didn’t want it traditional christening cake looking and I wanted it colourful.  Oh boy she filled my expectations and more, it was divine!  There were cupcakes [or as most of us on the “Twitter” table called them BUNS] and cake pops – cakes on lollipop sticks!  The top tier was cute and my favourite flavour – white chocolate and raspberry!  If you’re in the South Yorkshire area and need a cake, I can highly recommend Butterflies and Angels at Bolton on Dearne.  They were professional, friendly and extremely talented – can’t wait for Alfie’s first birthday to book his next cake in!

Alfie's cake

Whilst Alfie was fast a kip, the party was in full swing and I made the executive decision to have my very first alcoholic drink in over a year!  Batman, my BFFL [best friend for life] bought me a white wine spritzer – because she wanted to chat the barmaid up in hopes of getting a job! Trollop!  I was then bought another by Adele, then Julian and then Batman again.  I stopped at four white wine spritzers and I was pretty tipsy by this point!  Boy did I let my hair down!  I expected the hangover from HELL on Monday but it never came…that means I must do it again! 

Alfie fast a kip whilst the party went on!

Gradually our guests left the party and although we only had the room until 6pm Alan, Alfie, Batman and I didn’t actually leave until 7pm.  We gathered up the left over cake pops and cake and the hundreds of cards and presents for Alfie and headed off.  It was the nicest, informal, non-christening ever!  I think it’s safe to say our guests enjoyed themselves and there were no tears from any of the kiddies – even though my almost 2 year old nephew decked it on the floor outside!  Everyone had fun, me especially with my four white wine spritzers!  I also left feeling pretty good that everyone commented on my new red hair – thankfully it doesn’t look a twat!

Before I sign this blog off for posting, I would just like to thank my wonderful friend Jayne for all her help with Alfie’s Welcome to the World party – not only did she design the most beautiful, bespoke invitations for us and the fingerprint sign but she also supported me through feeling insecure and a little on edge and I couldn’t have done it without her.  I would also like to thank my gorgeous husband who paid for the lot [and it wasn’t cheap, let me tell you] and even though he doesn’t read my blog I am extremely grateful to him for just being him the whole day.  Would also like to thank the other Barnsley Tweeters that came: Shaun, Julian, Ken and Adele – together with Jayne  and Batman they made for lots of fun and laughter, it was fun!  And last but certainly not least I want to thank my gorgeous little man Alfie for being such a good little boy all day – mummy and daddy love you so much baby boy!

The Barnsley Twitter table - Ken was at the bar - piss 'ead!

Yummy Mummy & Beautiful Babies: Baby Group/Meetup

Lovely readers, you’ll have to excuse any poor spelling or grammar or gibberish in this post as I was up every hour and sometimes every 30 minutes with Alfie last night.  That’s two nights in a row, tired is not even close!  It’ll be a short but sweet post, promise!

Lately, I have been feeling really isolated and lonely on the days that hubby is working during the day time or in bed because he’s working the night shift.  I have toyed with the idea of attending a mother and baby group but there doesn’t seem to be any around where I live and the groups that are a little further afield are full of people I’d rather not socialise with – I’m not a snob, honest!  For months and months I have been considering starting my very own mother and baby group/meet ups and last week a friend gave me the kick up the bum I needed when she suggested I start my own too.  So here I am blogging about it!

I posted on Twitter if anyone had any ideas or could help in anyway and I had two replies.  One from one of my best and closest friends, Jayne [her sister started her own group & Jayne designed the flyers…] and one from my friend Nikki who has just had a gorgeous baby girl a couple of weeks ago.  Nikki can’t currently drive due to having an emergency section but as soon as she is fit and well, we’re meeting for coffee [or in our case, hot choccy] with our beautiful bundles to discuss ideas and have a bit of a brain storm.  I’m looking forward to meeting a like-minded mummy!  Jayne is one of my most supportive friends and I know she will help me in any way I need with ideas etc. – she’s fab like that!  I also have another friend Adele who has offered to help if we need it.  The support means a lot ladies, for once I feel like I might be able to pull something off!

I’ve got a file on the laptop labelled Yummy Mummy & Beautiful Babies where all the ideas and planning will go [on my part at least] and already it has a few documents in it!  Ideally I’d like to have a baby group once a week or once every two weeks.  I need to do a lot of research and planning so hopefully by the time Nikki is recovered and ready to meet up I will have loads to discuss with her.  If there are any readers out there that have set up their own baby group, have any tips or ideas or information please leave a comment I’d be really grateful.  Having not attended a baby group myself before, I’m pretty new to it all!

Nursery Visits...

Monday and Tuesday this week Alfie, hubby and I have been to check out a couple of nursery’s for when I return to work next year.  I go back to work 9^th January 2012 so we needed to start our search early just in case places were limited or we didn’t like any.  Both nurseries we have been to are private run as opposed to the sure start government run ones.  No particular reason for this, we just don’t like the sure start nursery near us that’s all.  Rather than advertise the names of the nurseries they will be referred to as B & C.

Monday we went to visit nursery C.  As soon as I walked in and met the manager I instantly felt welcomed.  We were shown inside the “baby” room and talked through how they operate on a daily basis…3 babies to 1 carer ratio etc.  Nappies are provided which is great.  We were also given a tour of the rest of the nursery…toddler rooms and pre-school rooms.  The outside play area was small but for the amount of children it was certainly big enough.  They also take children out on walks etc. with pre gained permission from parents obviously.  All meals and snacks given to all children are healthy and babies who are bottle fed – formula or EBM (expressed breast milk) need to provide the bottles with milk every day.  Nursery C is flexible on times, ideally located and cost affordable.  We left the nursery feeling very positive and like we had already made our minds up…

Tuesday we visited nursery B.  We were shown round by the supervisor of the 0-3 room who was out of breath from playing with the older toddlers.  We went into the 0-3 room which was separated into sections…the bottom was for babies and on days there weren’t any babies in their care it was used for quiet time and stories so that the older children understood it was a “quiet area”.  There was a separate room with cots for nap times and babies are assigned a cot for the day.  Toddlers that nap after lunch had their beds changed immediately whilst babies had theirs changed at the end of the day.  Nappies were also provided at this nursery.  We were blown away by the outside playground… a fenced off area was specifically designed for babies not yet walking.  There was growing area, a gazebo for rainy day story time.  The nursery likes to get the children out at least twice a day, even in rain or snow which is pretty good.  Like nursery C, nursery B is flexible on times, ideally located and cost affordable.  We left this nursery feeling positive but stuck for choice…

We went straight to my MIL’s to visit before she heads off on holiday this weekend so we had plenty to think about over our many brews.  We ran over a bolt on the way there and burst our drivers side rear tyre but that’s another story!!!  While hubby was changing the tyre I was busy talking to MIL, feeding Alfie and contemplating our nursery visits.  On the way home hubby and I talked over the choices and what we liked about the nurseries.  In fact, there wasn’t anything we didn’t like about them.  They were both equally as good and the difference in cost was very slight, not enough to make me choose one over the other.  When putting the most precious thing in your life in someone else’s hands for a few hours, cost means nothing.  We discussed it over dinner but still there wasn’t a clear winner.  We preferred the playground of nursery B but the location was slightly better at nursery C – for me to get to if hubby was working (I can’t drive).

This morning a decision has been made!!!  We have chosen nursery B.  The main three reasons are the location actually is better than nursery C, the playground was better and a very close family friend works there.  The last reason wasn’t brought into consideration at first because at the end of the day Alfie may not even be assigned her as his play worker.  We also like nursery C because it works on a “password” collection… when collecting your child you MUST provide a password if you don’t know it under no circumstances will the child be allowed to leave the premises.  I liked the fact that Alfie will get to integrate with babies AND toddlers as the room is for 0-3years.  In nursery C, babies are with babies and at 1 they move up and so on… I liked the separate napping room which is monitored at all times.  The nursery also takes children out on trips.  Nursery C was definitely a contender but I think the garden in nursery B swung it slightly for us.

At the start of October I’ll give the nursery a call and arrange to go back to hand in the forms and the deposit to secure Alfie’s place from January 9^th 2012.  In an ideal world, I’d like to stay at home with him but if I want to give him everything he wants and needs and a few things besides then the extra income can’t hurt.  Plus, if hubby ever decides to change his mind about the second baby the money will come in handy…

The Conversation

Top Ten Tuesday is cancelled for this week, I have far more important things on my mind right now, like the conversation hubby and I had this weekend...

Hubby and I have a new routine in the evenings now, we actually sit down at the table and eat dinner together instead of sitting on separate sofas speaking the occasional word to each other and mostly playing on phones/laptops/watching television.  It wasn’t something we spoke about I just had his meal on the table for when he came home from work one night and it’s stuck!  It helps that I’ve taken it upon myself to find the cookery goddess in me and make some fantastic, scrummy meals [even if I do say so myself].

Sunday when hubby came home from work and I had made grilled chicken, vegetables and pasta.  It was [again even if I say so myself] delicious!  We had small talk: “How’s your day been”… “How was work”… “Feel better for that lay in this morning” and then I turned the conversation to baby talk.  I asked hubby how he felt about having another baby and his response was less than positive.  He doesn’t want another. Ever.  We joked around asking each other why we did/didn’t want another baby and kept trying to talk the other around to our way of thinking.  Neither of us budged.  He didn’t have a reason for not wanting another baby…he just doesn’t.  I reminded him of when we first got together and we decided we wanted a big family, he said after Alfie he just doesn’t want another.  We joked around and kept the conversation light hearted although we did ask the question if one wants another baby and one doesn’t…what happens in the future?  We chose not to answer that question.

After having Alfie I did have a short period of not wanting another baby…the pain of birth didn’t heal quickly for me and the trauma of all the early labour was still fresh in my head.  I have no doubt in my mind I was just in denial and was saying what hubby wanted to hear.  I regret ever saying it now.  Every time I look at Alfie it amazes me how much I love him and how much my love for him grows every day.  I know I could love another baby just as much as I love Alfie.  Boy or girl.  I would love them equally – more than anything in the whole wide world but I’d love them differently of course because they’d be different people.  I’d love them both just as much as each other though there’s no doubt in my mind about that.  Hubby agrees if another baby “accidentally” came along he would love him/her just as much as he loves Alfie but he still doesn’t want another.

I’m not sure how to feel after this revelation; I really thought he wanted another baby.  I thought he wanted Alfie to have a brother or sister to play with, fight with and to make memories with.  We need to talk about it again, we’ve agreed that much.  He said he may change his mind in the future but he honestly can’t see it happening.  So is that it?  Just Alfie then?  That makes me sound ungrateful or like Alfie isn’t enough but it isn’t that at all.  Having Alfie was the most magical, beautiful, life changing experience of my life and the love I feel for him is overwhelming – why wouldn’t I want to go through all that again?  It’s true what they say, you forget all the bad bits of pregnancy and birth and just remember the overwhelming wonderful feeling of holding your beautiful baby close and breathing in their newborn scent.  I’m not sure how the next conversation will pan out – I’m not going to try to persuade him to have another baby his heart has to be in it because otherwise it isn’t fair on the baby, hubby or me and Alfie.  I’d like to think he’s still traumatised from the pregnancy and birth of Alfie and that in a couple of years he’ll change his mind.  Who knows?

Pregnant? Already?

How soon is too soon to have another baby?  Is it selfish to have another baby so soon after the birth of your youngest/first born?  What factors will you consider before having another child?  These are all questions I have asked myself and if I’m honest I don’t have the answers.  A girl I know [not a friend, an acquaintance] had her baby girl March this year and is already 24 weeks pregnant expecting her second, is that too soon?  I don’t think they own a telly in their house.  My friend who had her son in April is already planning for her second baby within the next 12 months.  Yet another friend is waiting until her little one is out of nappies before she plans her second baby.  Everyone is different and circumstances count for a lot but when it comes down to it, is it personal preference, ignorance or a little bit of both?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, discussing it on forums and talking to friends about it.  Everyone has their own opinion, some think it’s selfish to have one before the baby is at school age and some think it’s better to have children with ages closer together.  When I made the decision a few weeks ago that I’d like to have more children I never thought about when we would try I just decided that I wanted more.  Alfie is 3 months old and such a demanding baby as a first time mum I’m learning every day and making plenty of mistakes on the way.  Will it be different when baby no2 comes along?  Probably not because every baby is different it’s a person at the end of the day, just a lot smaller [and cuter].  And about that, baby no2 – I don’t like that saying.  To me, it sounds as if the second baby is second in everything and it’s not – it just arrives second that’s all.  A girl I know calls her girls princess no1 and princess no2…pretty sure that may cause upset when they’re older.  I’d have to think of another nick name…Alfie was Baby Lewis so we couldn’t use that but I certainly won’t be using baby no2 or anything of the sort.  It will be my second baby but by no means second in any other way.

I often sit and gaze at Alfie whilst he’s sleeping, playing or having cuddles with hubby and I and thought to myself how much I love him.  There’s nothing quite like a mothers love for her baby, something you can’t fully understand until you become a mother.  I love him more than anyone and anything.  That’s just it though…I love him more than anyone; does that mean I’ll love him more than our next bubba?  Will I show favouritism because Alfie was my first born or will Alfie get less of my attention because bubba is my “baby” – the youngest of the family?  In my family my brother who is the eldest gets away with murder with my mother, as does my little sister.  Me and my older sister are the “middle” children and don’t have that kind of relationship with my mum.  Is the first born, last born thing real?  I can’t imagine loving anyone as much as I love Alfie but then I guess a mothers’ love for her children is limitless and knows no bounds, right?  Right.

Oh and if you were wondering, I’m not pregnant…

Top Ten Tuesday - Before Baby Arrives

Following on from last week with my Top Ten Tuesday – BabyBuys, this week I have decided to concentrate on ten things to do whilst you’re pregnant/ before baby comes.  These are the things that I did/ wish I'd done before Alfie came:

1.       Date nights and dinners with friends.  A few hours before my waters broke, I was sat in a pub restaurant having lunch with my husband – we went out at least 3 times a week, if you can’t afford to go out a DVD and a cheeky pizza is just as good.  This is what we were doing the very moment my waters broke!  We also had lots of dinner plans with friends, we went for dinner and to see a movie on my due date!

2.       Soak in the bath for HOURS.  If you’re like me and you love a good soak in the bath, get them in while you can because they will be few and far between these luscious soaks in the tub!  You get to have time to bathe when you have a baby but usually it’s short or with baby.

3.       Buy yourself something nice – not something you need, it has to be something you WANT that isn’t baby or pregnancy related.  It will be a long time before you treat yourself after baby arrives, you’ll find your clothes interest shifts to baby clothes etc!

4.       Read a book if you love to read because when baby is here, you’ll spend your spare time doing everything you don’t enjoy.  If you’re not a book worm, watch a few DVD’s get your feet up and enjoy a good weepy, apparently good for bringing on labour (old wives tale!)

5.       Dress up.  I’m not talking fancy dress, although if that’s what floats your boat do it!  I wanted to be heavily pregnant at Halloween so I could paint my bump up as a pumpkin!  Seriously though, go out and get dolled up because for the next few months and even years your clothes will be covered in baby sick/poo/wee/milk/food/spit.  Dressing up also makes you feel good about yourself so do it yummy mummy J

6.       Pregnancy massage – I can’t recommend this enough!  Whether you suffer with a bad back or not it’s fabulous for helping you to relax.  Pregnancy massage is safe from 12weeks + by a trained professional – some essential oils aren’t suitable during pregnancy but if you go to a reputable beauty spa that offers pre/post natal massage they will advise accordingly.

7.       Cook meals and freeze them in advance – I wish I’d taken this advice myself because for the first few weeks of Alfie’s life we lived on takeaways, not great especially if you’re breastfeeding.  Make up big batches of meals that can be frozen and it’s a life saver for a quick meal because you need to keep your strength up mummy!

8.       Have a heart to heart with your partner.  Pregnancy can be stressful on relationships but having a new baby to look after can put even more strain on a relationship.  Work out how you plan on getting time together, tell each other how you feel, let each other know that if things get tough you’re going through it together.  This was a life saver for me and my hubby as I knew I’d be irate at times if I was tired.

9.       Have a baby shower/ get together with friends baby related – I wish I’d done this because it’s something nice for you to enjoy with friends before baby comes that gets you and them even more excited for your new arrival.  Friends can often become a little distant after you have a baby especially if they don’t have them themselves because they can’t relate/you don’t have time etc…spending time with friends now especially at a baby shower helps them realise they are still important to you and your baby.  It also helps friends feel involved.

10.   Blog it!  Do it how I have or in a personal diary but either way I really recommend blogging from pregnancy.  Writing things down helps you work your thoughts out, it helps you get things off your chest and it records all those magical and not so magical moments for you to tell baby when he/she is here.  I also started a personal diary for Alfie that’s handwritten.

Sex After Birth

I won’t go into the story of the birds and the bees but we all know how babies end up in mummy’s tummy.  We all know it takes two to tango.  Sex during pregnancy and after birth seems a bit of a taboo subject and a subject I’m going to tackle focusing on my own personal experience.

Obviously we had sex to conceive Alfie but at 6 weeks pregnant I suffered with severe hyperemesis gravidarum and that lasted up until 16 weeks pregnant and even then it only calmed down and I was sick until the day Alfie was born.  So with the sickness, sex was off the menu and that included our wedding night.  We did have sex once on honeymoon but it was more out of guilt than lust on my part, I felt so bad for my new husband going from 3 times a day to bugger all a week!  After that, I just never felt “in the mood” so we never bothered, much to hubby’s disappointment.  At around 39 weeks, we gave it a try to see if it would kick start labour as the saying goes.  It didn’t work and it felt very awkward but we managed to laugh about it.

12 weeks after giving birth, I have no desire to have sex.  I don’t feel desirable or attractive despite my husband’s best and most inventive advances!  I think given half the chance, he’d have had me in bed the night I came home from hospital!  Aside from not feeling attractive, I don’t feel ready to have sex again.  The feeling is almost like being a virgin and considering sex for the first time, it’s daunting and scary and sometimes you’re just not mentally ready for it.  Then there’s the physical side of things, with my dislocated coccyx (did I mention that before?) and the fissure, I’m in pain as it is without trying to have sex which may make things feel even worse!

Hubby mentions sex now and again, often with a sexual innuendo or cheeky remark but he understands it isn’t that easy for me.  Hubby understands it’s not easy for me and equally I understand that the frustration (and not just sexual) for him must be terrible too.  I often worry that our sexless marriage will bore him if I don’t get my act together soon and he may leave me.  Hubby assures me on a regular basis that he loves me and our son and although sex would be nice, it isn’t the be all and end all for him.  I still can’t help feeling guilty though and his understanding makes me feel even worse.  I wonder will I ever feel sexy again?  Will I ever want to be intimate again?  I don’t know the answer, I probably will but only time will tell.

Thursday, hubby and I are having our first ever date night that is if I have the guts to carry it out.  I asked one of my best, oldest and most trusted friends to baby sit Alfie for a few hours while hubby and I go to the cinema to see The Inbetweeners and maybe some nosh afterwards.  I’m dreading it already but it’s got to happen at some point – we have Lee Evans tickets in October!  I’ll probably be on my phone checking up on Alfie every 2 minutes but I need to learn that my husband needs my attention too.  I spend all my time with Alfie and when he’s asleep he’s on my mind or I’m doing something for him, lately my husband has been a little pushed out of it all.  I plan to get a little dolled up (as much as a visit to the cinema permits, don’t worry I won’t be in my clubbing gear – not that I own any clubbing gear!) and to enjoy the time as much as I can with my husband.  The whole of our marriage the main focus has either been being pregnant or having Alfie and while focusing on Alfie will never change for either of us, we can just for one night be a couple.  I hope.

I know one day we will have sex again because I want to.  I don’t feel like it yet but I know I want to feel intimate with my husband again and I know that time will heal any physical or mental things I am going through that is stopping us.  My husband would happily come home from work tomorrow morning to ravish me but he won’t even try because he knows it’s just not that easy for me.  He understands that physically and mentally I’m not ready although I have to admit I often use the physical as an excuse because it’s easier to explain than the mental aspect of things with a lot less questions.  With the physical pains stopping me (coccyx and fissure) he knows that they will heal but the mental issues aren’t on a time scale –they could last weeks, months or even years!  I’m hoping for the months, obviously.  I have to give myself credit though, 12 weeks after having a baby is no time at all in the grand scheme of things.  My husband loves me and I very much love my husband and we both still find each other attractive – my feelings of sexiness just aren’t there yet but as long as we talk about things it will never be a massive issue.

The key to a successful marriage is not sex it certainly helps but it isn’t the key, no that is a combination of love, understanding and communication, sex is just the thing you do when all of the above are in harmony.