Bootcamp Day 2

Day 2 of bootcamp but not much to report other than I managed to yet again decline coffee and cake at work. I have more will power than I thought! Go me! It's definitely a mind over matter thing when it comes to eating; I've been craving things I can't have but I know I'm only craving them because they're "not allowed" so I'll just have to get over it. There are 3 chocolate covered raisins in a jar in my desk that have been calling my name and my heart keeps telling me, "surely three won't hurt..." but my head is telling me "yes they will! Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" so no chocolate raisins for me then.

Meals today have been pretty yummy to say I'm on a detox diet. Think I'm over doing it with the nuts as a snack though so must cut down on that tomorrow.

Breakfast: banana omelette and a quarter of a small melon

Lunch: Potato salad and two boiled egg (no dressings of any kind, don't like them even if they were allowed!)

Dinner: Chicken risotto (made with vegetable stock only)

There's no training to do tonight, it's a days rest thankfully. I thought this morning perhaps I'd slacked on the Day 1 fitness test because I didn't ache...no the aching came this afternoon at work. Not the terrible, can't move aching but enough to know I've done some exercise. My poor body doesn't know what's hit it! It'll be worth it in the end though when I can wear the clothes I want and feel good about it!

Getting teased at work a little for even considering dieting. Not in a bad way, their reasoning is that I don't need to do it, I'm fine as I am. Slim enough so to say. None of them have seen me naked. You have though, if you've followed my blog for some time. When the results are in, if I feel like I have achieved what I want to I'm treating myself to a new outfit.

I'm off for a much needed bath now to help me relax after a long day at the office!

Bootcamp Day 1

If you know me personally or follow me on Twitter, you'll know this month I have decided to take part in bootcamp at home with Foxy Fitness  I've known Nikki a good few years now and I trust her completely when it comes to fitness and nutrition so thought sod it, let's go for it!


My reasons for joining boot camp? I want to lose the baby weight, feel confident in what I look like, be healthier and feel good about myself.


My goals?
To get back to the size I was before I had Alfie.
To feel confident to wear a bikini and not a structured (horrible) swimming cossy
To be able to wear the white top (shows a bit of skin) I've always loved


Today is day 1 of bootcamp, below are my before statistics and photos:

Measurements:

                               Bust 34"
                               Waist 29"

                               Umbillical 33"

                               Hips 36"

                               Right thigh 21.5"

                               Left thigh 22"

Day 1 Nutrition:   

                              Breakfast: Berry smoothie made with almond milk and berries

                              Lunch: Tuna Salad

                              Snacks: Nuts
                              Dinner: Chicken stir fry

                              Drinks: 2 cups of hot water with lemon and 3 litres of water.

Just done the first work out and I'm knackered so I'm off to watch some rubbish TV followed by a bath and early to bed!

Day 1 conclusion: Hard work mentally and physically.

Working Mamma

I've been sat here staring at a blank page for a while now.  I think I have writers block...not that I'm a writer as such but you get my drift.  I have so much to blog and think about lately it's hard knowing what to write first!

I suppose I'll start with my recent facebook status...I've made the decision to return to work full time in June.  It was touch and go whether I would go back to work at all at one point so to have made the decision to return full time is a big, big thing for me.  I feel positive about returning to full time work, I enjoy my job and the company I work for are really, really good employers.  Don't get me wrong, I feel sad that I'll see a little less of Alfie but needs must and all that.  I need to work for me, I want to DO something with my life.  I was never allowed to go to college or university because my mum couldn't afford to "keep" me; so at the tender age of 16 I got myself a full time admin job.  If I'd have had the choice, I would have gone to university to study English Literature or some kind of science.  Hey ho, what can you do?!

I'm hoping that in a couple of years time, I can progress to the next level of my job.  I've already started to learn bits and bobs of the job, mainly to be able to help more at busy times and when my colleagues are off for whatever reason.  I was a little upset to find out I'm not supposed to be learning some key things because my boss doesn't want me doing CSE duties when I don't get paid for it.  I completely understand where she's coming from but I think I could at least be taught these things and told not to put them into practice unless I'm covering or whatever.  I don't know I just hate being held back - not that I'm purposely being held back or anything because I'm not.  I really ought to be telling this to my boss but I just don't have the bottle - I don't want to get knocked back like I did in my previous job.

I'll see how it goes until June and then ask for a review or something.  I've started to compile a list of things I want to learn...I can't see me getting a negative reaction, I mean I'm showing willing and enthusiasm that's gotta count for something, right?

Party Planner

I reckon I must be mad; I'm throwing Alfie a party for his 1st birthday.  We originally decided the guest list and party would be extremely low key but it has some how gradually expanded!  Not only do I now have to think about feeding the guests, I also need to entertain them - especially the little ones (nieces, nephews and close friends children)  I've told everyone I'm making the cake too. I must be a bloody idiot.

My friend Jayne of Pink Sweetheart is making the invitations which are to be super special - please take a look at her Folksy shop.  The party is having a "Hungry Caterpillar" theme because I love the book and I think it's a really easy, fun and colourful theme to go with.  I've even got a dedicated Pinterest board - Party Ideas!  I think I'm secretly liking the organisation of it all and to be fair I'm really, really excited about my boys first birthday and I want to make it memorable.  He may not remember any of it but at least we can show him the photographs and bits and bobs that we keep from the day that show him what a lovely day he's had.

The cake is my main concern - I have only ever baked ONE cake and only ever decorated THREE so this is a real challenge.  Both my mother in law and sister in law are cake experts - it's their "business" if you like and both of them want part in making it for him but I have decided I want to do it myself.  I want to learn the art of cake decorating and I want to be able to tell Alfie in years to come that mummy made his birthday cakes.  Any tips from brilliant cake experts welcome!

There.  A much more cheerful post ready for the weekend.

Enjoy x

What a day.

I'm sat here writing this on the blogger app whilst I feed Alfie his bedtime bottle. Not a great thing to be doing during the bedtime "routine". I should be reading a story or singing him a song; interacting with him in some way. No wonder he doesn't like me. Yes, you read correctly; my 10 and a half month old doesn't like me or at least it doesn't feel like he does. I'm not sure where I've gone wrong with it all.

Alfie has always been a "high demand" baby but it's becoming apparent that it's just around me. Take today for example: I have had him all day because it's my day off work and hubby is at work. Alfie has refused breakfast, lunch and now dinner from me and it's not the first time either. He cries regardless of my actions, I tried playing with him this morning but he just cried more. I picked him up for a cuddle he fought me and cried some more. I offered him milk, his favourite snacks and a drink but the tears just continued. I changed his bum just in case it was that bothering him which made him cry harder (hates getting dressed and his bum changing). I sang to him, I shushed him and still there were tears. Hubby came down and all of a sudden the tears disappeared. It's not the first time it's happened like that either. He even prefers my friends over me, going to them for cuddles and to play and he just ignores me unless I have something he wants.

I mean if that isn't enough of a hint that he doesn't like me, I don't know what is. I've sat and thought about it before. Today has been one of those days where Alfie hasn't been very happy at all and I can't help but think its my fault. I've googled "my baby doesn't like me" but the answers on the forums are just airy fairy "oh it's not you they can sense your stress" or "maybe he's just tired." BLAH BLAH BLAH... Fuck off.

I love my son more than I can possibly say. He is my entire world so you can imagine I feel pretty shitty about the whole situation. I don't know what else to do but it's clear what I'm doing now isn't good enough.

Long time no see...

I've just had a good old chin wag with Siri...he's not that friendly though and to be honest I think he's a bit of a snob.  Can't you tell I'm home alone tonight?!  Hubby is on nights.  I've been toying with the idea for starting to blog again but I know in a few weeks, maybe months time I'll give it up as a bad job but for now, it'll have to do.  I need somewhere to vent and having no one to talk to means I'm aiming it onto my screen.  Again.  I'm sorry for being so fickle blogger, it's just how I roll please don't take offence.

See?  Not even a paragraph in and I feel like I have no mojo.  What the fuck is all that about?  I always think about things and they sound good but as soon as it comes to getting them out they sound stupid and my brain turns to mush.  I hear thats a side effect of having a baby.  On the subject of babies, I'd like to point out that at this moment in time my perfect, wonderful little boy is sleeping soundly in his cot *touches wood* and at the moment he is the only thing that makes sense in this crazy ol' world.  O.K. maybe not the only thing; chocolate, that makes sense too!

I've deleted a load of posts that meant fuck all. The main ones that I want to keep are about my journey with Alfie and being a mum and a family.  This time around, I'm going to try and blog about things that matter, none of this A-Z, 30 days 30 posts jazz - don't get me wrong I love reading them but writing them is a complete ball ache and I never get to the end of them!  I will probably take part in #SilentSunday and the such like though because they're easy and nice and quick.  We like quick.

I'm bucking up the courage already to write my next post, it'll be close to the heart and so close to home it's in my bed.  I'm bracing myself for how I'm going to word it, will I be 100% honest and just bare all or will I keep the most important details to myself and end up bottling things up?  Probably the latter if I know myself, which I'd like to think I do.  I hope this time around on the old blog I can open up for real and say it as it is.  A brick's a brick, a spade's a spade and all that jazz.  And if I've nowt honest and real to say then I'll just keep my kite (Barnsley slang for face/mouth) shut.

So...here I am. Again.  Lets hope it works out this time.  I really think I need it to.


LAST MINUTE EDIT: Oh and one more thing - no scheduling posts this time around.  I'm not important or busy enough to schedule posts and quite frankly...the post loses momentum the day it's eventually posted and I'm already onto the next drama.  So yeah.  Give up with being organised because it's just not how I roll.

Dear Alfie, Happy 4 Months

Dear Alfie,

Today you are 4 month and 7 days old and boy has time flown.  Last night I was looking at the photos from when I was pregnant with you, to when you were first born right up until yesterday; you’ve changed so much already.  You have your own personality already and you’re such a smiler. 

The last few weeks have seen some brilliant milestones for you and you are growing up so fast.  We are currently weaning you to help with your reflux, your favourite things to eat are pear, strawberry and apple breakfast, mango and yogurt breakfast and strawberry yogurts…oh and you like broccoli, peas and pear for dinner!  You can now roll over from your tummy to your back and your back to your tummy.  You’ve only done it a few times and you look so surprised when you do, do it but you’re getting better!  You love tummy time and you can drag yourself about a bit – good job we have the safety gate ready for when you’re a bit more mobile!  You’re teething at the moment too!

On 25^th September, just before the 4 month mark you had your Welcome to the World party and you were such a good little host!  It was the very first time you managed to have a nap with a room full of people, usually you’re too nosey to sleep and end up over tired!  You wore cream trousers, a shirt and a cream vest – not for long though the dreaded reflux made sure you were covered in sick but luckily mummy packed a spare outfit – blue dungarees.  Your cake was divine and even though you weren’t old enough to taste it, you loved the colours.

You still share a bed with mummy and daddy although when I say share I mean you take up all the room of course!  Just like daddy!  You still wake up in the night but you’re getting much better at settling back down although you still enjoy waking up at 5am and thinking it’s playtime!  For your daytime naps you sleep on the sofa next to mummy but now you’re trying to sit up on your own (and you nearly can) we’re going to have to re-think that!

You’re favourite songs for me to sing to you at the moment are The Grand Old Duke of York, When the Saints go Marching In and plenty of made up songs!  You love story time and sometimes I have to adapt the stories because I can never remember how they go!  Your first proper story book is the Hungry Caterpillar and you’ve got a caterpillar teddy that you like to play with too.

Mummy and daddy have picked the nursery we want you to go to when mummy goes back to work next year.  We think you’ll like it because it has lots of nice ladies to look after you and the outside play area for babies is really big and fun looking; you love to be outside.  Even though I will miss you lots when you’re at nursery I know you will have a lovely time and make lots of lovely friends!

You’re growing up so fast Alfie and I daren’t blink in case I miss anything.  You are the most beautiful, precious, wonderful little boy and both daddy and I love you more than anything in the world.  You are such a gorgeous boy and your smiles melt my heart. 

Here are some photographs from the last few weeks...

I love you so much baby boy.

Happy 4 months and 7 days.

Lots of love, cuddles & kisses

Mummy xxxxxxx