What a day.

I'm sat here writing this on the blogger app whilst I feed Alfie his bedtime bottle. Not a great thing to be doing during the bedtime "routine". I should be reading a story or singing him a song; interacting with him in some way. No wonder he doesn't like me. Yes, you read correctly; my 10 and a half month old doesn't like me or at least it doesn't feel like he does. I'm not sure where I've gone wrong with it all.

Alfie has always been a "high demand" baby but it's becoming apparent that it's just around me. Take today for example: I have had him all day because it's my day off work and hubby is at work. Alfie has refused breakfast, lunch and now dinner from me and it's not the first time either. He cries regardless of my actions, I tried playing with him this morning but he just cried more. I picked him up for a cuddle he fought me and cried some more. I offered him milk, his favourite snacks and a drink but the tears just continued. I changed his bum just in case it was that bothering him which made him cry harder (hates getting dressed and his bum changing). I sang to him, I shushed him and still there were tears. Hubby came down and all of a sudden the tears disappeared. It's not the first time it's happened like that either. He even prefers my friends over me, going to them for cuddles and to play and he just ignores me unless I have something he wants.

I mean if that isn't enough of a hint that he doesn't like me, I don't know what is. I've sat and thought about it before. Today has been one of those days where Alfie hasn't been very happy at all and I can't help but think its my fault. I've googled "my baby doesn't like me" but the answers on the forums are just airy fairy "oh it's not you they can sense your stress" or "maybe he's just tired." BLAH BLAH BLAH... Fuck off.

I love my son more than I can possibly say. He is my entire world so you can imagine I feel pretty shitty about the whole situation. I don't know what else to do but it's clear what I'm doing now isn't good enough.